Mental Illnesses

One of the many shoes I have had the opportunity to wear throughout this process of recovery has been stepping into world of mental illnesses. I really have two stories to share on this subject. The first is my stroke recovery, and the second is in the area of depression. Before I share my stories I want to clear up what depression is so that we all know exactly what I am referring to when I use this word depression. Please note, I am in no way shape or form a medical professional. Nor am I giving any medical advice here. I am simply sharing my story, but I want us all clear on what depression is so that we are all looking at it through the same lens. Depression is a serious medical condition in which a person feels extreme sadness, hopelessness, feels unimportant and is often unable to function in a normal way within society. Depression is caused by a chemical imbalance and is not necessarily something that can be controlled by “mind over matter.”  There are things that can increase the risk of depression such as but not limited to: grief over the loss of a close friend or family member, serious illnesses, physical or emotional abuse, medications, substance abuse, and it can even be genetically inherited. I share this so that we can look at this with a medical mind set and with compassion for those who might be struggling through this difficulty. 

Before having my stroke I was blissfully unaware of the world of mental illnesses. There is an entire group of individuals out there who are misunderstood because their illness can not be seen with the human eye, or by using a microscope. Often people with mental illnesses are ostracized, or at the very least they are looked at as though they are stupid, or not doing their best to get themselves out of the situation they are in.

Brain Injury
After my stroke I had a very difficult time carrying on a conversation because it took me an exorbitant amount of time to retrieve information from the filing system in my brain. Our brains are organized like a huge room full of alphabetized filing cabinets. It was as though someone had taken the filing cabinets and emptied out all the draws of files onto the floor. So when someone was talking to me about the weather I had the hardest time finding the file on the weather. That file was mixed up among the files on cooking, cleaning, gardening, my children, and my husband. So my conversations with people would often times end up with me giving them a blank stare rather than answering their question, and it wasn’t because I did not know the answer. It was simply because I could not find the answer in the jumbled pile of files all over the floor of my brain. I knew that my inability to answer people’s questions in a “normal” amount of time made people, uncomfortable, but there was nothing I could do about it. I had no way of fixing my brain. Only time could heal that one. So needless to say, I got some of the strangest looks during that time of healing from people who just did not understand the complications of my brain injury. They did not know how to react or respond to me. To them I looked normal. To look at me you could not tell that I has just suffered a brain injury. Let’s be honest, with any other body injury there is physical evidence such as a cast, bandages or at least scars. With brain injuries there is no way of telling until you start talking and even then it can leave people scratching their heads wondering "what is wrong with this person?"

Being the humans that we are, we are often guilty of judging a book by it’s cover. We look at a person, make an evaluation about them, than when they begin to speak and our initial evaluation does not line up with what we are hearing, we can sometimes judge even more harshly. And man, have I been guilty of this one! This is one of the reason’s I am SO VERY thankful to have been on this side of the brain injury. I got a chance to see how people respond to someone who is not mentally all there. It’s an eye opening experience! It is an experience that has taught me a great deal of compassion for the human heart, because we sometimes do not have control of what is going on inside our physical bodies, but thankfully our hearts can be laid at the feet of the Almighty!

Depression
Those of whom are struggling with depression have a lot in common with those who are suffering from a brain injury. The typical depression patient does not have control over the chemical imbalance going on inside their bodies. Unfortunately, this causes them to be misunderstood as well. About a year and a half after my stroke I was placed on a medication to try and help manage the daily headaches I was experiencing. This particular medication caused me to deal with some pretty crazy side effects. One of which was depression. I did not notice it initially, because it was something that happened slowly over time. This medication took me to a very dark place. I want to note here that I did not change my daily scripture reading, daily prayer, or any of those daily activities. So as far as me getting fed that was still all the same. What I noticed astounds me even to this day. The scriptures began to read differently to me. I want to share a passage of scripture. Than I am going to share that same passage of scripture in the manner of which my depressed mind was reading it. I want us to notice the difference in how they read.

Psalms 23: (King James)

1 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

What Psalm 23 looks like through the eyes a person who is struggling with depression:

1 The Lord is my shepherd, however, I am in need

2 He calls me to lie in green pastures, and beside quiet waters but his voice is drowned out by my own thoughts which haunt me every waking moment.

3 He wants to restore my soul and lead me, but I can not find him

4 As I am walking in this valley of the shadow of death, evil is all around me, where are you Lord? I feel no comfort from this heaviness that overwhelms me.

5 You prepare a table with my enemies, my head is heavy, and I am drowning in my own cup

6 Lord your goodness and mercy is somewhere, I am just unable to lay hold of it.

I hope you can clearly see the difference between the two. I personally was amazed to have walked this walk and see what goes on in the mind of a depressed person. I never understood depression, or how someone could become depressed. I always assumed it was something they neglected to do, or something that they continued to focus on that they should not have been focusing on which caused them to become depressed. I assumed it was “a mind over matter” thing. I could not have been more wrong. It is not always something that can be controlled by the individual, despite the stereotypical thinking swirling around the world of depression that the person simply thought their way into a depressed state, so they should simply be able to think their way out of it as well. This stereotype is just so far from the truth for many individuals suffering from depression. By experiencing depression first hand I learned that no matter what I did, no matter how much time I spent reading God's word, I could not have gotten myself out of that dark place. I could not have changed the chemicals from going haywire in my brain even though I wanted to. In that time I never lost my faith in the Lord. I am thankful I had that to stand on in that season. My heart hurts for those who have no hope to begin with and than have depression on top of their hopelessness. I at least had hope to start with and to stand on while I was going through that season. God never left me in that season, but as you can see from my depressed version of Psalm 23, He just felt so far away and unreachable.

Depression is a very isolating place. It’s not that I purposely isolated myself, although at times it seemed easier to cope with when I wasn’t around others. It is also a very dark place. A place where you feel as though you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. I felt as though I had a dark heavy cloud was following me everywhere I went and no matter what I did, it would not go away. It haunted me continuously!

I share this because I want us to be aware of the breaking hearts behind the clouds of mental illnesses whether they be depression, a brain injury, or the many other mental illness that plague the minds of beautiful people. Let this post give you a glimpse into a world you may never enter into yourself. Allow this post to build in you a sense of compassion for the hearts of those who are struggling with these things. Allow the Lord to melt your heart for those who have serious mental challenges.

Lord, give us an abundance of compassion for those who are struggling with different mental illnesses. You do not love them any less than someone who is not facing a mental illness. So I pray that you help us not to look at their shortcomings or stumbling blocks, but to look at their hearts. I pray that you give us your eyes to see the beauty in them that you see every time you look upon them. I pray that you give us the words to say to these precious hearts and even more so the actions we can do to make them feel and see your love flowing in us and through us. Lord, I pray for those who are struggling with this very area right now. I pray that you shower them with your peace that passes all understanding, that will guard their heart and mind in Christ Jesus. I pray that you fill them with your ever increasing hope! I pray that you bring someone along side them to hold their hand through this challenge. Lord, you desire for our minds to be sound. I pray that you deliver their minds. Set them free from the heaviness that hovers over them each and every day! I pray freedom in Jesus name!

Part Of A Body

In this week’s post I will be sharing a longer portion of scripture then usual, so please bear with me. I feel that there is no better explanation of the subject of the body of Christ then the one which comes directly from the creator Himself. So I figured I would let Him explain this very beautiful topic.

“The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form the one body. So it is with Christ.” 1 Corinthians 12:12

“Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many. Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be.If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body.

The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.” 1 Corinthians 12:14-27

As Christians we truly are an integral part of a larger picture, it’s this thing called the body, or the church. I believe that when scripture talks about the body or the church, it is not just referring to the local body of believers that we see every Sunday morning, but I believe it is referring to a much larger body of believers, the global church. We are a part of something so much bigger than just the four walls we attend each week. We serve a God that has orchestrated such a beautiful and intricate body. I count it a privilege to be a part of such a masterpiece. In this massive body, we each have an important God given task in order for things to operate smoothly. This task is going to be different for each person. That is so beautiful to think about. God has given each of us strengths and weakness. We each have talents and stumbling blocks. The beauty of it all is that where one of us in the body is weak another makes up for in their strength. God has designed this big picture to function and flow like clockwork. 

Breakdown in the body
The biggest reason things do not run smoothly often falls on our shoulders and it’s because we lose focus of our God given task and start to function in someone else’s task. It’s like this, if my God given spiritual task is to function as an eye, and I begin to wish I could do the service of a hand, and than I try to operate in that task, I surely am going to bring confusion to the body and frustration to myself. God did not design the human body with a hand coming out of the eye socket. And further more, the eye can not do some of the intricate things that the hand can do.The eye was designed for a very specific and important task and if it tries to do something else, it simply makes a mess of things. Do you see how we can cause our wheels to spin unnecessarily when we try to function in a way that God never designed us to function in? Our greatest challenge sometimes can be overcoming our discontentment in who God has made us. No, we do not have the gifts and talents of other people in the church, but please bear in mind God did not design us to be little clones of each other. If God wanted us to have the spiritual giftings of someone else, than he would have given those giftings to us. It is so important that we learn what our spiritual giftings are and function in them.  If we all were eyes, how would we ever get any serving done? We would see the needs but have no hands to meet the needs, or no feet to get us to the places we need to go in order to meet the needs. Being a part of the body of Christ is about seeking God’s face and doing the things He has for us to do. We will surely have plenty to do in the kingdom if we focus on what it is the Lord has for us to do right here and right now. We do not need to try and do the God given tasks of others!

As I share all of this, I want us to understand something here. I am still learning what it means to function in my spiritual calling. I have spent so many years looking at others and wishing I could do the things they can do. All this did was cause me frustration and brought a deep sorrow to my Father’s heart. God designed me for very specific tasks while I am here on earth, and for God to watch me desire to be something He never designed me to be brought Him nothing but heartache. It’s like me telling God He messed up somehow when He made me, that He forgot to give me certain abilities. The fact of the matter is this, God did not mess up. He did not forget something. He thought and planned out every little detail of my life and it works and functions perfectly into his greater design. The same goes for each one of us in the body. God has hand picked each of us with very special tasks in mind. He desires for us not only to function in those tasks, but to get pleasure and joy out of doing those things which we are designed to do. That is the desire of our creator, to see His children functioning in the manner of which they were designed to function, and not to do it grudgingly, but to do those things with pleasure and joy as a love offering to the one who created them. God’s heart is to see us thrive in the places He has planted us. He wants us to be full and overflowing with contentment. So much so that we desire for others to have that same contentment.

It is by no mistake that God has given you the talents and giftings you have, but please be sure you are using them to bring glory to the one who gave them to you. It brings no greater sorrow to our Father's heart then to see His children using their spiritual talents and giftings to bring glory to themselves. The glory is designed to be given to the creator, not the created. When we understand and function in this correctly it will bring such joy to God's heart and to our heart as well. If you do not know your spiritual giftings, than there is no time like the present to approach the Father and begin to seek out what it is He has designed for you. You may not get an answer right away, but this does not mean God is not listening. Keep asking and seeking and in the right timing God will reveal those things to your heart. Doors will begin to open up for you to walk through and function in those tasks. And in the time of waiting on the Lord to speak, one task all of us are called to function in is love. Find ways to love others. I guarantee you will find your calling when you begin to step out in love for others.

Lord, I thank you that you have designed us to be part of a larger picture. I thank you that you have designed each of us to do very specific tasks in your body. I pray that we learn what it means to function in those task with joy, as our love offering to you. Help us not be distracted by what you have others doing around us. Help us to be content in the place you have planted us. Lord, for some of us we don’t know what you are calling us to do in your body. I pray that you reveal in your perfect timing what you have planned for us. Thank you that you have a place for everyone in your body. I thank you that it never gets too full that you have no room for us. You have room for all who come to you and what a comfort that is to our spirits.

Changing Our Hearts

I heard a story once about a Christian family who raised their children up in church and in the things of the Lord. However, when one of the children got older, they decided it was time they sowed some wild oats. They began to rebel against the things of God. They ended up leaving the church, and while the relationship with their parents was rocky, it was not cut off completely. As the rebellious child continued to stray farther from the things of God, this child ended up marrying during this season of their life. This was a challenging time for both mom and dad to watch their child go through. First of all for them, they had not planned for their child to ever leave the things of God, much less ever marry someone who did not have a personal relationship with the Lord. In many ways it left their hearts bitter, angry and frustrated with their child. It effected their own walks with the Lord. Although the parents never walked away from the things of God, they struggled getting past the fact that their child did not walk down the path that they thought God had for them.

The Father of the Prodigal Son

I share this story because I want to discuss how this modern day story relates to the biblical story of the prodigal son. I’m sure most of us are familiar with this story, and this is not the first time I have mentioned it on my blog. The last time I shared it, I talked about the heart of the son in a blog post entitled “Seeking The Value In God’s Rewards.” (Feel free to revisit that post if you would like.) Today I want to talk about the heart of the father. If you are unfamiliar with the story, or you need a refresher, please read it in Luke 15:11-32. It truly will bless your heart whether you are reading it for the first time or for the one hundredth time!

Lately with many of the Bible stories that I have been reading I have begun to look at the characters through the lens of humanness. I feel like so many times I have read these stories and assumed that the characters did not struggle with any sin nature, as if they somehow had been above the deeds of the flesh. It has brought my spirit great peace to realize that each one was human just like myself. They struggled with emotions, irrational thinking, and frustrations just as I do.

So, when I think about the father in this story through this lens, here is what transpires. I am quite sure that the father was heartbroken on many levels. He was probably struggling with mixed emotions of not wanting his son to leave, but furious at the fact that his own flesh and blood would even consider disowning his family in this manner. The father probably had to work through emotions such as bitterness, anger and disgust. Honestly, if I was the father I’m quite sure I would be struggling with these very same emotions and possibly some additional ones as well. This is how my thinking would probably have transpired if I was the father; “Here is my son whom I spent my whole life pouring into and this is how he repays me. He takes half of everything I own, and may I remind you it took my entire lifetime to earn this and then he leaves his family in the dust. I can’t believe that my son has the audacity to even think about doing such a thing. He has brought shame to this entire household. I’m not sure if I can ever forgive him for this!”

Human Nature
This is the very nature of our humanness! We forget that this man was just that, human. Please note, I am well aware of the fact that this is a parable that Jesus is telling and it is not an actual true person. But please hang with me as I walk you through my thinking here. If this had been an actual person, then it is completely probable that the father felt this way when his son left home. Now, how is it even possible for him to get to a place where he runs to meet his son with arms wide open when he returns? By the time his son returns, the father’s heart had done a complete 180 degree turn. The father’s heart went from being full of bitterness, anger and frustration, to being full of love, mercy, compassion and grace! That is only by the hand of the Lord that this father was able to accept his son back without any hesitation in his heart.

This story would have had a very different ending if the father had not turned his heart over to the dealings of the Lord. If he had not allowed the Lord to work on his heart than when the son ended up coming home, the father would have still been harboring bitterness and unforgiveness in his heart toward his son. More than likely he would not  have accepted his son back and probably put him back on the streets to disown him just as his son had done to him earlier. Because the heart of the father had turned, the relationship could be healed and salvation came to that young man’s life.

Dealings of the heart
Getting back to my original story, these parents are no different then the father. They are heartbroken, and the only way for their hearts to be healed is for them to allow the hand of God to begin to change some things in their lives. Only God knows whether or not this family will ever see their child walking in the ways of the Lord again. But as long as the focus is on that child’s wrongs, than healing can not take place in the hearts of the parents and the relationship can not be mended. If the hearts of the parents are not changed, then even if their child's heart is changed the relationship will still be broken because the parents will still be holding on to bitterness and unforgiveness. Things will not get better without their hearts changing first!. I have said this before and forgive me as I say it again. God is more interested in healing our hearts than he is in rescuing us from our struggles!

Many times in our own lives we struggle with situations that bring us to a place of bitterness, frustration and anger. When we put our eyes on Jesus it is than that our hearts can be changed! It can be so hard at times to get our focus off our problems and on to the only one who has the ability to solve our problems. But just because we put our focus on the Lord does not mean He is going to work things out the way we want. We have to trust that He is going to change our hearts for a much greater purpose than what we can see directly in front of us. God is working things out for eternity and not just for the here and now.  

Lord, thank you that you are more interested in healing our hearts than you are in rescuing us from the turmoil that we find ourselves in. You are working on us for eternity, not merely for the here and now. Help us not to get so hung up on the disappointments in life that we miss what you are trying to do in our hearts. Help us to keep our focus on you so that you can work out your will in our lives. You have such wonderful plans for our lives. Help us not to miss out because we are focusing on the wrong things.

Worthy To Be Praised

If I only gave God praise when I felt like it, He would be one abandoned and lonely God. In the midst of the ongoing trial in my life, I have had to learn to say “God is the God of my head pain.” I have had to learn to give Him praise in the face of my ongoing pain because if I waited until I felt no pain or I felt good in order to give Him praise, than God would be still be waiting for me to open up my mouth. I have had to learn to seek His face despite the the pain I am feeling. The apostle Paul found himself in a similar situation in 2 Corinthians 12:7-8. He served God whole heartedly with a thorn in his side. Now, scripture is not explicit on what that thorn was exactly, but I tend to personally think that it was some form of physical pain, something that was chronic so that it was a continual reminder to Paul. He had asked God to take it from him but the Lord would not. Paul had to learn to worship God in the midst of his pain!

We all face times when we do not feel like giving praise to God. Some of us might be able to come up with some very convincing arguments as to why we can’t praise the Lord right now. But what we need to remember is that we should not praise God because we feel like it, we should give God praise because He is worthy to be praised. Just because we are facing a difficult situation does not mean God is any less worthy of our praises. In fact, it is in the midst of the hard times that our sacrificial praises will break down the walls of our heart and allow us to see the Lord face to face. It is in the moments that we feel like walking away and giving up that the praises flowing from our lips will heal much more than just the mere situations we find ourselves in. The Lord is so much more interested in healing our hearts and forming our character than He is in rescuing us from our struggles. Let’s face it, it is only by traveling a difficult road that the character of God can be worked out in our lives and praise is the vehicle God uses to to usher His character into our hearts, especially when we praise Him in the midst of our trials! 

Example of Abraham

If we look at the individuals in the Bible, they were not handed the heart of God on a silver platter. They had to work for it. They had to struggle through some things. It had to be built into their lives. The character of God did not come automatically or by pushing a button, nor did it come over night. It took time for God’s character to be worked out. It took some deep times of praise flowing from their lips in the midst of adversity to see these things come about. Let’s look at Abraham as our first example. From the time Abraham was promised his son Isaac until that day finally came to pass, 25 years elapsed. In that time Abraham struggled with doubting God’s promise was going to ever take place. He doubted so much so that he took matters into his own hands by lying with another woman. Abraham’s inpatients and doubting did not change the fact that God was worthy of praise nor did it change the fact that God was going to fulfill His word. Abraham was named the the father of faith and make no mistake, he was not given that name without a cost attached to it. The cost of praising and trusting God in the hard times, the cost of laying his one and only son on the alter was the reason Abraham was able to carry this name.

Example of Joseph

Joseph was another person who had to wait for the character of God to be built in his life before the promise could come to pass. He was 17 years old when he had dreams that God was going to use him greatly. But then he spent the next 22 years in training until he saw those dreams come to pass. The road to fruition of those dreams was riddled with it’s fare share of adversity. Joseph was sold into slavery, falsely accused of a crime he did not commit and imprisoned for that very crime. Yet the adversities that Joseph faced did not make the Lord any less worthy of Joseph’s praise nor did the time that elapsed mean that God was any less capable of fulfilling His word. The Lord took the perfect amount of time to work out in Joseph’s heart the character that was needed for the day that Joseph would come face to face with his brothers once again. It is quite clear when Joseph meets his brothers that he had spent an immense amount of time praising God in those 22 years. For if he had not, it would clearly have shown up on that day.  If God had not worked out in Joseph’s heart His character, I am quite sure that Joseph would have had his brothers killed, or at the very least sent them away to fend for themselves in the day of famine. But since God had taken His time with Joseph, it allowed compassion to grow in his heart toward his brothers rather than anger and frustration. 

How much different would these Bible stories have turned out if these men would have gotten frustrated with the dealings of God in their lives and in their frustration walked away from God’s plan? What would have happened if they stopped giving God the praise He is worthy of? What would have happened if they only praised God when things were going perfect for them? I can only guess that their hearts would not have been in the right place to receive the blessings that God had promised them. The struggles that these men faced were necessary in order to prepare their hearts to receive the blessings of God. We can be certain that these men kept their hearts in a place of continual praise because the blessings of God flowed out in abundance on their lives and the lives of the generations that came after them.  

We are no different then Abraham and Joseph. God wants us to praise Him not only in the good times, but more importantly in the times of hurt, frustration, pain, trial, tribulation, strife, struggle and turmoil. Our situations in no way reflect God’s worthiness to be praise. God is worthy to be praised whether we are on the mountaintop or in the valley of the shadow of death. God is not “good” in the times of abundance and blessing and “bad” in the times trouble and hardship. God does not change just because our situations change. 

When we praise in the hard times, it allows God to work out His character in our hearts in order to prepare us for the promises yet to come. When we do not praise God in the midst of our challenges the character of God can not be worked out in us and when the promises show up we will find ourselves ill equipped for what is placed before us, or worse yet, we can not receive the promises at all because we are not prepared for them.

Lord, we thank you that you are not worthy of praise based upon our situation. Help us to remember that you are worthy of praise whether we are on the mountaintop or in the valley of the shadow of death. You are worthy of praise no matter what situation we find ourselves in. Help us not to see you as “good” when things are going well and “bad” when our lives seem to be in turmoil. Help us not to only give you praise when we feel like it, but help us to praise you in all things because you are worthy to be praised. We thank you that you are working in us your character each and every day. Continue to have your way in our hearts and lives in Jesus mighty name.