Conflicts Of Christmas

In light of the Christmas season, my mind has been mulling over the conflicts that we as Christians face in this age with the whole concept of Santa Clause. Yes, I am going there. What triggered this thought process was a post on Facebook by a Christian seeking advice about whether or not to do the whole Santa Clause thing. We are constantly bombarded with all kinds of things that are contrary to Christ. “But Santa is not against Christ. You can do Santa and Jesus both at Christmas.” Says the well-meaning, unsold-out Sunday Christian. Please excuse the sarcasm here as I promise to justify myself.

Breaking down Christmas

Santa, while seemingly innocent enough, does not convey the true meaning of Christmas. As Christians, we know that the true meaning of Christmas is Christ and if you take that away all you have is “mas.” If you look up that word “mas” you will find its meaning to be “a carnival.” (dictionary.com) So without Christ, we have a meaningless, empty celebration. When you add Christ to it (Christmas) you have a celebration of Christ. Christmas is the celebration of Christ and nothing else.

Foreigners

Looking at this concept of Santa from a parenting perspective brings yet another angle to this conflict. I have heard parents say that if they didn’t do the Santa thing, their kids would be missing out. As a family, we chose not to do Santa with our kids. This led me to ask them if they felt as if they were missing out, felt left out or jipped in any way at Christmas because of not doing the Santa thing and their response without hesitation was “No way!” My concern with this excuse really comes from two schools of thought. The first is that we are called to be in this world and not of it (John 17:16). In other words, we are called to live here, but not act like those around us. We are foreigners in this world and therefore, we should not act like we are natives. 1 Peter 2:11 says, “Dear friends, I warn you as temporary residents and foreigners to keep away from worldly desires that wage war against your very souls.” (NLT). I know you're thinking that Santa does not wage war against our souls. He gives gifts at Christmas just like the ultimate gift was Jesus. That type of thinking should send off alarms because it is taking a very sacred biblical concept and weaving fictitious nonsense into it so that we feel justified. This is exactly the type of thing satan did in the garden with Eve. He wove enough truth into his lie to make it palatable. Therefore, Eve swallowed it, literally and figuratively speaking. That was the first and deadliest method of manipulation satan has used on the human race and obviously is still using it today.

Lying

The second school of thought is, that as Christians we are called to obey the entire word of God. We should not be picking and choosing the parts of scripture that we “feel like” obeying. The word is not meant to be pigeonholed for our comfort. It is also not meant to be applied to some situations and not others. That being said, scripture is clear on the topic of lying. “The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in men who are truthful.” (NIV 1989 version). This verse is one of many in scripture that talks about lying and it states that God detests lying. He hates and abhors it. When we tell our children that a fictitious person is going to bring them gifts for Christmas. We are lying. When we tell them that he will come with his reindeer and sleigh with their gifts, we are lying. When we tell them to write a letter to Santa telling him what they want for Christmas because he will bring them something they want off that list, we are lying. When we tell them he is watching their every move to find out if they have been naughty or nice, we ARE lying. So, help me understand how lying to our children is setting a Godly example for them. How can we possibly tell our children not to lie when we have spent years and years lying to them? God’s standard does not change. He expects us to be truthful despite the fact that it might not be the most popular route to take.

Narrow way

“...For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it.  But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.” Matthew 7:13-14

Not many Christians are willing to walk the path of unpopularity. Most would much rather take the path of least resistance. They would much rather take the broad road. In our many travels, we have found that many American Christians would rather compromise their faith to make life easier then sacrifice and face potential persecution for walking the narrow road. Our human flesh does not want to be the odd ball out. We want to fit in with the crowd. (To read more about this concept read my previous post entitled "Sold Out.")

Persecution

“In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted,” 2 Timothy 3:12 (emphasis mine).

May I suggest, those of us who are not facing any type of persecution or push back from this world are not living a godly life. Ouch, a painful thought isn't it. We should not only expect people to be offended by our decisions, but we should embrace the fact that this is who God has called us to be. We are foreigners in this world, not natives. We were never meant to fit in here. Our residence is in heaven. Deep breath!

Father God, help us to lean deep into you this Christmas season. Help us to lean not on our own understandings but in all of our ways acknowledge you so you can make our paths straight. Help us to demolish strongholds that set themselves up against the knowledge of you. We realize that the attack against your Son is real and in full force. Give us the strength not to be intimidated by the crowd who is going one way when your word tells us to go another way. Lord, lead us not into the temptations of this life but deliver us from them. Give us the backbone that we need to stand up for righteousness. Give us a heart to embraces the persecution that is going to come when we live a godly life. We ask all this in the precious name of your one and only Son, Jesus Christ.

A Painful Pruning

As I was reading in John this morning I came across a verse I had read about a thousand times before, but God always seems to have a way of making things jump right off the page in a new way no matter how many times I have read it. This is why reading the word of God never gets old! This is why his mercies are new every morning! This is why we can spend a lifetime devoted to studying God’s word and learn something new each time we open its pages! I absolutely love God’s word for this reason. As I have shared before our family has recently been through some major life changes. (A major move, a change of jobs, and now traveling around the country.) So, when I read John 15:1-2, I finally began to understand the reason behind all of the painful pruning I have been experiencing lately.

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.” John 15:1-2

I always looked at this section of scripture as if it was only talking about cutting out sin. Never did I look at this passage as the possibility of not having sin and still needing a pruning just so you can be more fruitful. We all have things in our lives that could use some tweaking from the Holy Spirit from time to time. It may be an attitude that needs to be adjusted, thoughts that need throwing out, or words that could have been spoken a different way. Whatever the case may be, we all have pruning that must take place in order to make us more like Christ and more fruitful.

In doing some research about the process of pruning fruit trees, I learned that pruning should take place in the late fall and winter months. This exposes the branches and the farmer can see exactly what the branches will be producing in the spring and summer. The tree’s dormant period is a map of what is to come. By strategic pruning, the farmer can actually encourage growth that otherwise would not have come by letting nature take its course. So, let’s take a look at this from the Lord’s perspective. There are going to be seasons in our lives that are winter seasons, our dormant seasons. And much like the tree loses its leaves and is exposed, the Lord wants us to “expose,” or lay open our hearts to Him. When we are willingly do this, He will be able to go in and remove anything that is not fruitful in our lives, as well as prune things back so that we can become a vigorously fruitful person when the winter/pruning season is over.

Another interesting thing I learned was that when a farmer plants a new tree, he will prune that tree back hard for three years straight and not allow it to produce fruit. The reason for this is so that it can put all its energies into putting down a strong root system, getting established and becoming strong. Wow! Isn’t this much like what our Heavenly Father does with us? Think about the importance of our quiet time with the Lord each and every day. Think about the early days of coming to Christ. In those early days, our focus was not on helping others to grow, nor was it on producing fruit. It was on getting our spiritual legs up under us so that we could stand on our own two feet. This is one reason why Paul tells Timothy that leaders within the church “must not be a recent convert” in 1 Timothy 3:6. There is a reason for a season of growth in the kingdom before we are asked to bear much fruit.

The more vigorously a tree is pruned, the more this will encourage exponential new growth. So, when we feel like the Lord is really doing a number on our heart with the pruning shears we need to realize it is only for our betterment in the kingdom. If we want to produce much fruit a painful and heavy pruning is sometimes necessary to get those kinds of results. So, sometimes we just need to open up our hearts close our eyes and say “here I am Lord, do what you must do so that I can be exponentially fruitful.” What is hard is being able to recognize that the pruning is taking place and that it is God’s hand bringing about a pruning in our lives in those moments of pain.   

Lord, we lay our hearts open before you. Help us to remember that your pruning shears are not meant to bring us pain for pain's sake, but for your kingdom’s sake. Help us to remember that in those moments of painful pruning that you have great things in store for us when the winter season is over! Give us eyes to recognize that it’s your hand doing the pruning in our lives so that we know not to fight against it, but to embrace it. Lord, we thank you that you have such wonderful plans and purposes for our lives. Help us to focus on your face and not the pruning process. We ask all these things in the precious name of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

A Change In Routine

Have you ever been doing something one way for so long and then all of the sudden realized that you were missing out on some important things all because you had locked yourself into a simple routine? A while back I had an “aha” moment  about our children’s devotional time. We had been doing things one way for so long that I never thought about there even being a need to change anything. In today’s post, I would like to share with you this change we made in our household and what this change has meant for us as a family.

Change in routine

As I have shared with you in the past, we home school our three children. We have always been faithful about having a time of family devotions each morning, especially during the school months, but we have not been as diligent at translating that need for our children to foster their own personal devotional time with the Lord. So, this year we have been very purposeful in scheduling time for our children to have their own time to read their Bibles each day. We have been faithfully using the “Our Daily Bread” for our morning devotional time for years. This devotional has a special place in our hearts because it is the same devotional that my husband's grandparents used with their children and grandchildren and so we find if very befitting to carry on this precious tradition. However, lately we have found ourselves veering off the routine of simply reading the given scriptures and the short story provided with each daily devotional. The change in our devotional structure has to do with our decision to set time aside for our children to read their Bibles on their own. Let me explain. In each “Our Daily Bread” devotional there is a section that says “Bible in a year. “ They have broken down the Bible into small chunks of reading each day to make it easy to read through the entire Bible in one year provided that you remain faithful each day. They usually give you about three or four chapters each day and sometimes if the chapters are long they will break it apart into smaller portions. Several months ago I realized that this section was part of our devotional each day. My husband and I discussed the idea of having the children read through the Bible this year, partly for school, and partly because we wanted to foster independent devotional time.

A pleasant surprise

So on the first day of school we did our devotional time like normal and I assigned their first three chapters. I shared with them why we were making these changes. I told them that when we came back the next morning I wanted them to share at least one thing they learned, found interesting, or they liked about those three chapters. I released them to their assignment and was blown away the next morning by what happened. I had been a little concerned that my seven year old would find the reading too difficult or too long, but the complete opposite happened. She excitedly read the three chapters on her own and came to devotional time with so many new and interesting things to share about what the Word of God was teaching her little heart. I have to tell you it made my heart just melt to hear my children talking about the Word of God as if they were having an adult discussion. They were sharing verses that spoke to their spirit like they had been doing it for years. And to think I had been worried that they wouldn’t understand what they were reading, or that it would be like pulling teeth to get them to read. I have found that they are genuinely excited, and months later, they still continue to be diligent about reading. Most of the time I don’t even have to remind them to get it done. I simply write down the chapters on our whiteboard in the morning and they have no trouble getting it done.

One side note that I think you all should know is that when we invested in our children’s first full sized Bibles we specifically sought out a version that would be easier for them to read and understand on their own. Each of my children have their own copy of an “International Children’s Bible.” This particular version is published by Tommy Nelson, a common household name in Christian children’s ministries. We encourage our children to write notes, underline and highlight anything that speaks to them right in their Bibles. We want their interactions with their children’s Bible to be similar to the interactions we as parents have with our own Bibles each morning. We wanted them to explore God’s word for themselves. The “International Children’s Bible” simplifies the reading but doesn’t water the word of God down. Please note, that as I am sharing this product with you all, I am in no way affiliated with these companies. They don’t even know I exist and I surely don’t mind keeping it that way. My blog is not here to become a marketing scheme. The links to these sights are merely there for your reference. My only intentions is for you all to know what we personally use and how helpful we have found this resource to be for our children. (Sorry for the short rant but I just want to make that clear.) At some point we will graduate them to a different version, but for now we are enjoying the fact that they are writing God’s word on their little hearts and understanding it!  

Our devotional time

I can not stress enough the importance of getting into the word of God on a daily bases! I know for me personally, I need that alone time with the Lord so desperately and when I don’t get it, it throws my whole day into a tailspin. I get short tempered, easily agitated, and my peace seems to be non existent. Let’s be real here, sometimes I can get that way even when I have had my time with the Lord in the morning, but it somehow seems to rear it’s ugly head faster and with more fervency when I don’t. I’m no saint here! The Lord’s still working on me!  I can only figure that if I need the quiet time with the Lord just to keep my day balanced, how much more do our children need to learn at a young age the importance of having their quiet time with the Lord? Moreover, God longs to have intimate time with each one of us. What kind of a best friend would we be if ignore our friend, never call, or text and never want to spend any time with them. God is the same way. He desires for us to spend time with Him, to know Him on a heart to heart level. And this always starts with spending time in His word!

This is the basis for our family making the decision to read through the Bible this year. It gives my children direction in their devotional time and because we are all doing it together we have set up a platform of accountability one to another. Let’s be real, we can all use a network of accountability. It is so much easier to do things when you know someone else doing it right alongside you. Think about how much easier it is to go to the gym when you are meeting a friend there as opposed to just going by yourself. We can easily make excuses when no one is relying on us to show up, but when someone is counting on us being there it’s a whole lot harder to come up with excuses. If you are having difficulty with your daily devotional time may I suggest to you get find an accountability partner, someone who is willing to talk with you every day about what you have been reading and learning, someone who is willing to share with you the things that the Lord has been teaching their heart. This person could be your spouse, your best friend, someone from your church like a Sunday school teacher or classmate, an elder or deacon, it could be a parent or sibling, or even a neighbor. Spend some time praying about whom the Lord would desire for you to partner with in this venture. I do realize this can be a vulnerable position to be in, but it is well worth your effort to get yourself established in the word of God! Finding such a person will be such a valuable investment in your spiritual journey!

Lord, I pray that as each of us tries to establish a daily routine of delving into your word. Guide and direct each of us to the people who will encourage us in our walk. Direct us to those who will be willing to hold up our hands when we are feeling weak and vulnerable in this area. I thank you that you that you desire to spend time with each of us. I thank you that you long to know us intimately. Help us to dive into your word so that we can get to know your heart deeply and intimately. In Jesus precious name, Amen.  

4 Things We Need To Administer Correction

“A soft and gentle and thoughtful answer turns away wrath, But harsh and painful and careless words stir up anger.” Proverbs 15:1 (Amplified)

There have been many times in my life that I have needed spiritual correction. I am grateful for the times of correction because I know that it is always for the my growth and maturity in kingdom principles. I have found that there are different methods of delivering such spiritual correction. Some methods I respond to much better than others. The method in which my heart seems to respond to the best is when correction comes in the form of a gentle and thoughtful word. When a word of correction comes from a humbled heart, I can not help but respond quickly with a humble and repentant heart in return. This is the way God works. He will often speak to us in a still small voice, with a little nudge, or a small prodding helping us to keep on the straight and narrow. I am so appreciative of this because the gentleness of my Heavenly Father teaches me how to respond gently to others. Sadly I still have a long way to go in mastering the soft, gentle and thoughtful answer, but I praise God that He is so patient with me in my moments of mishaps.

There have been times in my life when correction or rebuke has been given and it was not given with a spirit of humility. Unfortunately, some of those moments have scared me for life. As deep of a scare that these moments have left, I am grateful for them because I have seen what a harsh, painful and careless word looks like, sounds like and feels like. These moments have made me more aware of my own words and just how quickly they can turn a rebuke into a scar in someone’s heart. Having gone through those moments have made me more conscious of how I approach correction in the lives of others.

“My brothers and sisters, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring that person back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of their way will save them from death and cover over a multitude of sins.” James 5:19-20

We should not ignore the blatant disobedience of our brothers and sisters in Christ. When correction is needed it should be given because it will save them from death and the potential of more sin being piled on top of what is already in existence. Now, I am not talking about pointing a finger here. I am talking about lovingly restoring someone back to the feet of Jesus so that they can be in right relationship with their Heavenly Father. It should break our hearts when our brothers and sisters are willingly choosing sin over their relationship with the Lord. If it does not break our hearts that we really should take a look at our own heart because we might have something blocking up our relationship with the Lord.

“Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently…” Galatians 6:1

Scripture does not call us to be our brothers and sisters judge. That is not our job. That job belongs to God and God alone. We are, however, called to be our brothers and sisters keeper. We have a responsibility to watch over the doors of their hearts, but along with that responsibility comes a greater responsibility and that is to restore them back to the family of faith gently. But what does that look like exactly? What must we have in our hearts in order to administer correction to a brother or sister in Christ?

Four things we need to administer correction to someone’s heart

1.We need a  heart of humility.

I think one of the greatest things we can remember in moments when we need to restore a brother or sister in the faith, is this, we are no less guilty of sin then they are. When we remember that we are just as much a sinner in need of a savior as they are, it keeps our hearts in a place of humility. Only in humility is it a good time to approach someone to bring rebuke or correction. If we have any form of judgmental thoughts or feelings or think we are better off than they are, we have no business bringing any form of correction. When we approach others with a wrong spirit all that does is drive a wedge between our relationship with that person as well as drive a wedge into their relationship with their Heavenly Father. Our thoughts should always be focused on Romans 3:23. It is in this verse that we can remember that we are very much a part of that ALL that has fallen short of the glory of God.

“for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” Romans 3:23

2. We need to be filled with kindness and compassion.

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32

We absolutely must approach others with a heart full and overflowing with kindness and compassion. If our hearts are not full of these things, it is going to be virtually impossible to deliver a rebuke with a gentle word. I must repeat myself here, we must have the right spirit in order for a gentle word to be delivered. If not, it will inevitably backfire right in our faces. I can not think of a single instance from my life where rebuke was delivered with kindness and compassion and I did not respond with a broken and contrite heart before the Lord. Kindness and compassion will make all the difference in being able to bring someone to the feet of Jesus with a repentant heart.

3. We need to speak in love.

“Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. From him, the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.” Ephesians 4:15-16

When our words are spoken in love they become a support to others in the body, in other words, our loving words build up. This is the business God is in. God is building His kingdom in love and when we refuse to speak in love then our harsh, critical, and destructive words destroy God’s strategically placed infrastructure. We become nothing more than a pawn in the hands of the enemy at this point because we are in direct opposition to what the Lord is trying to do. The Lord is building in love and so should we.

4. We need the wisdom from the Lord.

We are never going to face every situation of correction with all of the answers. We need God’s supernatural wisdom. We need the kind of wisdom that we would never have unless the Lord so lovingly and graciously places it before us. So how do you get this type of wisdom in the moments when it is needed most?  James 1:5 tells us very clearly the answer to this question.

“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” James 1:5

Our Lord gives generously. He doesn’t make excuses or give us 101 reasons why we can’t be given His abundant wisdom. He just gives generously to ALL. I love this because it means in those moments when we find ourselves backed up into a corner and unsure how to bring correction in a loving, kind and gentle way. The Lord will pour out His unending wisdom. All we have to do is simply ask! How awesome is this? Our God makes our most complex and baffling situations so simple. All we have to do is ask.

In the moments that we are faced with needing to bring correction, we can feel as if we are caught between a rock and a hard place. But we serve a God who has given us the tools we need to bring correction with humility, kindness, compassion, love and with His abundant wisdom.  Our God is never going to fail us. His word promises to be an “ever-present help in times of trouble.” (Psalms 46:1)

Lord, I thank you that you promise to be with us in those moments when correction needs to be given to a brother or sister. Help our hearts to stay in a place of humility, full and overflowing with kindness, compassion, and love. Fill us with your infinite wisdom when we truly don’t know what to do or to say in those difficult moments. We thank you that you are always available for us to run to. You never abandon us in our times of need. Thank you for being the God of all wisdom who gives generously to all without finding fault.

For more on Godly discipline and correction visit: A God Of Consequence

Confidence Boosting Glimpses

How often do we as parents ask the question “Are we getting this parenting thing right?” We worry about our children growing up in this ever increasingly evil world. Will they be the influencer or will they will be influenced? Will they be able to withstand the missiles of the enemy or will they be the ones who will be devoured by the enemy? We worry that when we send them out, are they going to take the initiative to put on the full armor of God, or will they walk out the door with only one or two of the items and leave the rest at home? Will they continue to write God’s word on their hearts or will they be hiding other things in their hearts? Will they fight the good fight of faith or will they be overtaken by the enemy? Will they be an overcomer, or will they be overcome? Will they take ownership for the principles that we have worked so hard to instill in their hearts, or will they toss them aside like an old toy, unwanted and disregarded?

As parents we have so many worries about whether or not we are “getting this parenting thing right” that it can sometimes be a bit overwhelming. This is why I am so thankful when God sends little moments of reassurance to my heart that He is working in the hearts and lives of my children. It brings my mind such rest when I hear little reports that my children are taking ownership of the principles that we as parents have labored over to plant in their little hearts. I thank God for these little glimpses into their hearts. The Lord is faithful to show them to me because He knows that my heart and mind need a confidence booster from time to time.

I wanted to share with you one of my latest little parenting confidence boosters. It brought my worried heart such peace! My middle child is my social butterfly. She is one who as James says is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind, unstable in what she does. She is my one who has a tendency to be influenced by the crowed instead of influencing the crowd. She is not one to make waves, but rather rides them. She likes to fit in. She does not like to be different or stand out in the slightest. This has been a challenge for my husband and I because we have always told our children that they were not designed to “fit in.” They were designed to stand out. They do not belong to this world. They belong to the kingdom of God and the kingdom of God will never fit in with this world. Those who belong to the kingdom of God are to be a light in this dark world. They are supposed to stick out, and to be noticed. This goes contrary to her nature. She would so much rather blend in. I share this background with you so that you understand the significance to the my little confidence boosting story, so that you can see just how important it was for my husband and I to see just what is going on inside her little heart. My husband and I have been praying for her in this area of being influenced by the crowd for quite some time. We know that this could potentially be an area where the enemy might try to weasel his way into her heart. So, prayer was and still continues to be an essential part of raising her up.

She was riding in a car with some of our family members and a song came on the radio. Please note here, that my children rarely hear any type of music other than christian music. Their only exposure to secular music has been whatever is being funneled through the sound systems at shopping malls and grocery stores. Other than that, their exposure to this kind of music is just about non existent in our household. By now I probably have some of you asking “really?” Yes, really. We live by the idea that whatever we place in front of their eyes and ears directly affects them in one form or another. We take seriously what their little eyes and ears are exposed to. We want them to be a bright light for Jesus, not a dim one. Needless to say, everyone in the car was singing to this song except her and her little sister because they of course had never heard the song before. One other little girl in the car about her age asked her, “Don’t you know this song?” To which she obviously responded “No.” As she sat there feeling rather awkward, I think the Lord began to work on her little heart because the next song that came on the radio caused her spirit to feel quite uncomfortable. She asked the driver if the radio could be changed to something else and thankfully that was done so quickly without hesitation or question of my little girl's heart.

Here is what I want you to understand about this particular story. My husband and I were not in the car with our girls on this particular car ride. We were not there to monitor the situation and make sure their little hearts were protected from the devil being able to plant seeds that did not belong there. This story was told to us directly by our daughter herself. She shared with us how her little heart didn’t feel right. What she didn’t realize was this was the working of the Holy Spirit keeping her heart from danger. My heart about burst in humility when she shared this story with us because this could have easily gone a different way and we would have been none the wiser to the fact that the devil had taken a foothold into her heart. I share this to encourage you. As you are consistent in sewing God’s principles into the hearts of your children and hold them up in prayer, the Lord will do the work in the hearts of your children to make sure that those principles become part of their own personal set of values. This is why Proverbs says…

“Train up a child the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” Proverbs 22:6

As our children grow we want to transition them from relying on mom and dad to lead and guide them to them taking ownership of the values they were raised in and using those values to govern their behavior. Mom and dad will not always be around to say “do this” or “do that.” So, when we see these little glimpses into the hearts of our children and we get a clear picture of what is really taking place, it is such a confidence booster when, by the grace of God, we are “getting this parenting thing right.”

Lord, I thank you for the confidence boosting glimpses you give us every once in awhile. Thank you that you are working in the hearts and lives of our children. We know that it is an investment for eternity. Help us to stay steadfast and focused on sewing Biblical principles into their hearts each and every day. As we are faithful to sew, please take those seeds and grow them in their hearts. Help those principles to become apart of who they are, so that they take ownership for those values. We desire for our children to be governed by your value system and not every whim that comes along. We do not want them to be a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. We desire for our children to be steadfast upon you Lord. Give us wisdom in raising up these little ones to be godly men and women who will not waver!

The Excuses

One of the first parenting classes my husband and I went through together we were inundated with so many invaluable things, but one particular lesson that seemed to really stick with us was the importance of not excusing away poor behavior. This is something many of us parents are guilty of, including myself. Let me give you some examples of what I am talking about here. If our child is having a melt down in the checkout line at the grocery store and the only thing we do is make a comment to the person standing behind us that goes something like this… “I’m so sorry. He is not usually like this. We are late for his nap. He is so tired and that’s why he is acting like this.”  Let me put this into perspective for what has just been done in the eyes of this child. In his little mind he is thinking “Mom just gave me permission to act like this anytime I am late getting down for my nap. I am allowed to act like this when I am tired. I can also act up when we are out in public because she isn’t doing anything to make me stop, so it must be fine by her. So, I will act like this the next time we are in the grocery store and see what happens.”

We can not be so naive to think that our children do not pick up on the excuses we make for their unacceptable behavior. Our excuses for our child’s poor behavior does not make their behavior right. So, why do we justify away their poor behavior? I think most of these excuses happen in the public eye. So because of this, we are embarrassed and don’t know how to handle the situation. However, the excuses in parenting are not limited to the times we are in public. Let me give you an example of what it might look like in our own homes. It is just before dad will be getting home from work. We are tired, our feet hurt and we have a headache. The kids start bickering and instead of dealing with it right away, we let them to continue bickering because we are too tired to deal with them any more. How many of us have played the “I’m too tired” excuse card? I know I have a time or two! No matter how many excuses we make, if we don’t deal with the poor behavior we will only see it get worse. Excuses are one of the many tools that the devils uses to gain access to the hearts of our children. When we excuse poor behavior away rather than deal with it on the spot we are giving our children permission to act that way again. So, when the next episode comes around, it it is only going to be harder to get them to stop. We are always better off dealing with a poor behavior choice the first time we see it rather than allow that behavior to continue by making an excuse for it.

“Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline [correction administered with godly wisdom and loving kindness] will remove it far from him.” Proverbs 22:15 (Amplified)

The Bible tells us that our children have foolishness in their heart. It is our responsibility as parents to get it out, not excuse it away and hope that it doesn’t come back. The reality is this, it will never go away with our excuses. It will always come back and most of the time it will come back with vengeance. This verse talks about using the rod of discipline or correction to remove the foolishness. One thing I like about the Amplified version is that it reinforces to us the proper way to use the rod of correction, “administered with godly wisdom and loving kindness.” What a great reminder to us as parents! (I have written in  an earlier post touching on this very topic,called  “A Mother’s Commission.” Please feel free to revisit that post if you would like.) I by no means think that every poor behavior needs to be corrected with the rod. But, whatever form of correction we choose to use, making excuses for it and letting it go should not be our plan of action.

Why bring discipline?

“because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.” Hebrews 12:6

The Lord disciplines and corrects because He loves us. We need to look at correction as an act of love, not a form of disdain for our children. When we make excuses for our child’s poor behavior, we are basically telling them we don’t love them. If we loved them we would bring correction to them in those moments, even if it means sucking it up in the face of an embarrassing situation, like when we are in the line at the grocery store. Here in lies the problem, when the rubber meets the road many of us are not willing to lay aside our pride and bring loving correction. Instead we would rather make the excuses then forgo the potentially embarrassing situation that correction might bring in that moment. I have to admit I have looked many of those embarrassing situations in the eye and caved to the temporarily easy road of excuse making. Notice, however, I said temporarily. The excuses will never bring about a change to the heart to our children. So while it will alleviate the pressure from us for the moment, it will never get to the root cause of the poor behavior of which is bound up in the hearts of our children. Discipline is designed by God to bring out the the foolishness from their hearts so that when they are faced with that same situation again, they will remember right from wrong in those instances.  

To read more about the Lord bringing discipline to those He loves see a post entitled: “A God of Consequence”.

A word of encouragement

My encouragement  comes as a reminder today. (I am loudly preaching to myself here too.) It is so very important that we remember not to make excuses in the moments of conflict with our children. I don’t know about you, but it hit me pretty hard when I realized that making excuses for my children's poor behavior is like me telling them I do not love them. Love comes in the form of bringing our children’s heart to a place of wanting to choose righteousness for themselves. This will never come by us excusing away their poor behavior choices. My prayer is that when we want to make an excuse for why we can’t bring about correction that we choose a Godly form of discipline instead.

Lord, how easy it is to make excuses for why we can’t deal with the poor behavior of our children right now! Help us in those moments when we would much rather pretend like the situation did not just happen, that we choose Godly discipline over the temporary ease of our pride. Lord, your discipline is loving and always comes to bring about a change of heart not just a change of behavior. Help us to bring a change to the hearts of our children in these moments of conflict. We know that just as every child is different, so is the way in which we should handle discipline in each situation. Give us much wisdom in this area.

Parenting The Heart

Some parents instantly acquire a connection with their children at birth that grows as their children grow. For me, it wasn’t so much of a connection as it was an instant need to get them to behave the way I wanted. From the minute they were born I felt the need to manipulate behavior. However, this approach to parenting would quickly prove itself to be problematic if this was the only method of parenting my children ever saw. There is a need in parenting to switch from parenting behavior, to parenting the heart. In order to parent the heart of a child, it needs to come from a place of love and relationship, from a place of vulnerability, something that I am not good at, but by God's grace I pray that this is an area I will grow and prosper in.

Small rant 
Yes, I am openly admitting this fact to you. Why? Because like every other parent, I have not arrived. I do not know it all. In fact, there is a whole lot more that I don’t know then I actually know. So, this is why I share this part of me with you all today. I get the feeling that when we read blogs, we somehow think that the person writing has figured it all out and that is why they are writing. The truth is, we all miss it. We all have things we need to get better at, change, fix, and tweak in our parenting as well as in our lives. There is no one who has arrived on the other side of this screen. Sorry, for the short little tangent there. I just wanted you all to remember that I am just an ordinary person writing about the things God has been teaching me. My hope is that you will glean from the things I share and the Lord will teach you some things in the process.

A need for change

I have a tendency to  find myself feeling inconvenienced and frustrated at times with my children. Sadly, my children are to the age that they can see my frustration and they will often apologize for it, when it is not them at all, it is me. I am the one with the skewed perception of how I think this parenting thing needs to work. I am finding the need to start enjoying my children more and to parent from my heart to their hearts. There is a need for me to become a little more vulnerable in my parenting and not so rigid. I can not always be right and my children wrong. Truly, I am not perfect, so what makes me think they must always do as I say no questions asked? I miss it sometimes and it is important for my kids to know what I do and how I handle myself when I mess up. It is important that I teach their hearts and not just their outward behaviors. It has been hard to make a 180 degree shift in my thinking. How about you? Do you find yourself parenting solely the behavior of your children rather than the heart? Controlling behavior is one thing when they are young.  But if we expect our children to be responsible, independent adults, than it is our responsibility as parents to show them how to work through their own problems, how to be critical thinkers and problem solvers, rather than merely correcting wrong behavior all of the time. Our children need to know why something is wrong, how to make it right, and what they can do to guard their hearts from wanting to do that same thing again. Along with this, our children need to know that we have their backs, that we love them even in the moments that they mess up. Why? Because this is how God operates. God has our backs. He loves us even when we mess up, miss the mark and disappoint. He loves us! We need to make sure we are training our children to be secure in making good choices. There will come a day when we as parents will not be around to be able to tell them what to do and how to do it. So, have we prepared their hearts to stand on their own two feet and choose righteousness? One thing I have recently been asking my older two children is “well, what do you think you should do?” I want them to openly communicate their thoughts so that they learn how to work through their problems instead of being told how to do things all of the time. I want them to be able to critically think about the situation that they face and be able to come up with a solution for themselves. I am not raising robots here. I am raising up soldiers in the army of the Lord! They need to learn to recognize the battle that lies before them and know how to fight the good fight of faith.

Our world is not getting any easier for anyone to navigate. If we send our under prepared children out into the world to fend for themselves, we are sure to see them struggle unnecessarily.  Even the most prepared individuals have struggles in life, but the difference is that they have the tools to work through the the tough times without falling apart. Those who are under prepared lack the problem solving skills to work through the times of adversity. So when these times come, it will leave them overcome rather than walking in the victory of being an overcomer.

Parenting like the Lord

One of my new parenting goals is to convert my parenting style from parenting more out of authority to parenting more out of relationship. As my children enter into the transition years I want them to know that mom is not just a disciplinarian, but a trusting friend they can turn to and talk things out with. I am not looking to be my children's best friends, but I do however, want my children to be comfortable enough with our relationship that they are not afraid to come to me with anything that they are struggling with, no matter what. When I really stop and think about it, this is how our heavenly Father desires our relationship to be with Him. He desires for us to go to Him with the things we are struggling with. He doesn’t want us to be so afraid that He is going to discipline us with a heavy hand that we are too scared to come to Him with our hurting hearts. On the contrary, our Lord longs for us to open up our hearts to Him. He longs for us to share our deepest hurts and let Him into our most vulnerable places. However, the Lord is not going to force His way into the overprotected areas of our hearts. He will patiently wait on us to lay ourselves at His feet and share those things with Him.

As I enter into this new phase of parenting I need to be sure to take some lessons from the way the Lord handles my heart. Just as the Lord is patient and not forceful, I must be sure not to force my children to share their hearts with me. I must wait patiently and pray for those opportunities to present themselves. I want my children to come to me because they are willing and ready, not because they have no other choice. The other hitch to this is being ready for those times whenever they may come. I have a sneaky suspicion that they will probably happen in moments when it is least expected. The true test will come in those moments. Will I brush off those moments, or will I allow my heart to be open and ready to listen to what my children have to share? Will I respond rightly, or will I be ready to jump back into my previous role of authoritarian and be ready with the rod of correction? I am sure that as our family embarks on this transition that there will be a whole lot of seeking the Lord going on in this house! I am quite sure that we will be in dire need for His guidance for the situations that will present themselves in the coming years.

How about you? Do you find yourself in a time of transitioning your parenting style?    

Lord, I thank you that you show us a beautiful example of parenting from the heart in our relationship with you each and every day. Help us as we to parent our children from the heart just as you parent us from your heart. Help us to be ready in those moments when our children open up their most private places of their hearts. Help us to handle their hearts with the utmost of care! Give us a heart of compassion for their precious hearts and ears to hear what they are saying. Help us to shut off our judgmental thinking and open up our ears so we can speak what you want us to speak into their hearts in those vulnerable moments. Give us your wisdom Lord!

For more on parenting visit: The Mirror Concept, Lessons From Our Children, Parent Communication, Parenting Goals, Consistency In Parenting, The Growing Pains Of Motherhood, A Mother's Commission and Precious Moments

Precious Moments

God will often use our children to teach us some pretty amazing spiritual lessons. I have written a previous post entitled “Lessons From Our Children.” If you have not read that post feel free to go back and read it or revisit it again for a refresher on this very topic. The sad thing is that we do not typically look at our children to be our teachers in the spiritual classroom. I am quite certain I have missed numerous lessons that God intended to teach me through my children all because I was not paying close enough attention. However, I wanted to share with you a recent lesson that I learned in a moment I was paying attention.

This was one of the most precious moments I have ever had with my children. The funny thing was that it came about because I allowed my emotions to get the better of me. I had to seek out forgiveness from my children for snapping at them, for being cranky with them and just plain having a stinky attitude. Can I just tell you how hard it is to humble yourself in front of your children! But I want to just share with you one reason why the Lord desires us to have a child like faith. Here it is... they are simply quick to forgive. When I sought out forgiveness from my children, all three of them, without hesitation, came running to me with arms wide open and embraced me. As if that were not enough to melt a mommy's heart, this will for sure top the cake, each one said "I forgive you mommy." There were no strings attached, no ulterior motives, no I told you so, no you'll pay for this, just a simple "I forgive you mommy." The words penetrated my heart so deeply and they continue to echo in my mind as one of the most humbling and enlightening experiences I have had the opportunity to be a part of.

This is how Christ responds when we go to him. Without hesitation He forgives us, with no questions asked, no strings attached, no I told you so, and no you'll pay for this. My children responded to me with the heart of Christ when I sought out forgiveness, a response I was not expecting. These precious moments are I things I won't quickly forget as a mom!

Lord, I am so thankful that you use our children to teach us things about your character and your nature. I pray that as you continue to use our children as teachers in our lives that we yield to their God given wisdom and glean from them what it is you have for us to learn. Help us to remember that you can use them to speak into our live just as easily as you can use anyone else. Thank you that you have provided a means for us as moms to learn more about you from our children each and every day. Help us not to miss those precious opportunities because we are to busy to see them when they are right in front of us. Thank you for the gift of our children. You know just what we need and when we need it. Continue to work on our hearts each and every day.