One of the biggest battles I continually find myself in is one that leaves me feeling smothered under the suffocating grasp of my own insecurities. I am haunted by my shortcomings so much so that I lay in bed at night, my pillow soaked from tears of inadequacy because I was reminded yet again that I have indeed fallen short of the glory of God. I can usually shake off the insecurities long enough to keep them from affecting my daily living. However, there have been times I have found myself to be so paralyzed by them that my family has suffered because of it. The difficulty with this is how to handle it. I have always had a hard time sharing what is going on inside and when I finally get brave enough to try I have already burned the bridges of people’s patience. So, since the patience is gone, I just hold it in and keep silent longer. This inevitably propels the situation into a full-blown nightmare! Oh, how I wish that I was blessed with the ability to sort through my emotions quickly and speak openly and freely about them! It is an incredible inconvenience!
The faithfulness of God
I thank God that His word tells us He will never leave us nor forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:6), especially in those moments of struggles. God is not an “Indian giver.” In other words, He does not give us something only to take it away. God gave us His word. His word never changes. He never relinquishes on His promises. What a treasure! As I ponder God’s faithfulness I am reminded of a dream that I heard many years ago and it was eventually turned into a song, entitled “Footprints in the Sand.” If you have never heard that song please click the link to view the song. It truly is a precious reminder that the Lord is always with us even when we feel like we have been left to fend for ourselves.
Not only is the very character of God faithful, but He also sends people our way to speak words of life when we need it most. Sometimes it takes an outside perspective to give us a clear understanding of what is really going on. I recently had a phone conversation with a dear friend who understands what it is like to be in the trenches of motherhood, homeschooling, and ministry simultaneously. Through the guidance of the Holy Spirit, she was able to speak such soothing words to my raging heart and mind. I can honestly say I walked away from that conversation with clearer vision. Not that my circumstance had changed one bit, but what had changed was my perspective. How many of us know that a right perspective on a situation can be the paradigm shift in a problem being resolved?
I thank God for giving me moments of clarity in the midst of the fog. If it weren't for those little clearings I would find myself continually lost in a sea of emotions unable to distinguish left from right and up from down.
Freedom
“You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.” Romans 5:6 (Emphasis mine)
This verse is such a beautiful reminder that in the very depths of our need, in the face of our weakness, and in the trenches of our inadequacies Christ died for us. He was and still continues to come and meet us where we are for the sake of saving us and making us whole. We truly serve a remarkable God. I don’t know of any other kind of love, but the love of Christ, that would come into to a life riddled with sin all because He wants to have a personal relationship with that life. This verse says we were powerless. Are there days when you find yourself powerless? I sure do! Christ died for you. Christ died for that sin in which you find yourself ensnared and engulfed with. He died for me in the throngs of my insecurities, in the depths of my self-doubt and in the pile of perceived shortcomings! Christ has given us freedom! He has placed freedom in the palm of our hands. The question remains are we going to carry that freedom and walk in it, or are we going to lay it aside and walk in our bondages? That is a choice I find myself struggling with on a daily basis. There are days I choose to walk in the freedom of the cross. Then there are days I choose to walk in my bondages. I am finding that when I walk in freedom I feel refreshed and light as if the chains have been lifted. There is a true liberty in my spirit. On the reverse side of that, when I have chosen to walk in the bondage of my insecurities, my soul feels entangled in an eternal war, my spirit is restless and my emotions run unchecked. The crazy thing about this is I find it more comfortable to lay aside the freedom of the cross and cling to my insecurities. Are any of you that way with their repetitive sins, or is it just me? Here is the kicker of that, it is a false sense of comfort in every way conceivable! By clinging to the sin of my insecurities, I am really clinging to self rather than to the Lord. I will never find freedom in myself. I must cast the cares of my insecurities upon the Lord, pick up the freedom of the cross and walk in it! This is a conscious, deliberate, and minute by minute task. We must be willing to wage war with the old nature before we can ever expect to gain victory over it.
The Lord will bring us to a place where we are so sick and tired of the sin that we find ourselves drowning in that we are ready to wage a very harsh and furious war with it. Are you ready to wage war with your repetitive sins? You may not be, and that’s ok, but may I encourage you to go before the Lord and ask Him to well up inside of you the will to fight. Ask Him to give you a desire to slaughter the enemy. Yes, I’m sounding morbid here because the enemy is not playing peaceable in our lives, so why should we? We have been given mighty weapons to defeat the enemy and we (myself included) have laid them aside too long and watched the enemy annihilate us without ever lifting a finger in retaliation. NO MORE!!! It’s time to wage war!!!!!!!!!
To read about waging war please read: Weapons of Warfare (Part 1), Weapons of Warfare (Part 2), Weapons of Warfare (Part 3)
Father God, I thank you for the place you have brought me. It has not been a fun road, but I thank you that I am finally ready to fight. Give me the of faith Abraham, the drive of David and the wisdom of Solomon to fight the good fight of faith. Lord, I pray in the name of Jesus Christ that this spirit of insecurity that I have allowed to inhabit my heart will flee! It has no authority in my life. I am casting off the burden of insecurity and choosing to walk in the freedom of the cross today! I thank you for the blood that was shed for my sins. I thank you that it has the power to cleanse, purify, and set me free! Lord, I realize that this is going to be a long and furious battle, but it is one I have put off long enough and I am now willing to go after it with all that I am. Father, may those who read this today be stirred to wage war against the sin that so easily entangles them. Give them the will to fight and to fight with grit and zealousness. We ask all these things in the precious name of Jesus Christ.
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