My Battle Verses

From the day I first started experiencing pain until the day I was admitted to the hospital and diagnosed with having a stroke, 13 days had elapsed. To put this into perspective, strokes can kill an individual within a matter of hours. I managed to drag out a stroke for 13 long and painful days. Now, I share this not for pity, but rather because I want us to understand the importance of having scriptures tucked away in our innermost parts so that when times like this come, and it is inevitable, they will come, that we can pull them out and begin to rehearse those scriptures.This is how we can begin to fight the good fight of faith. There were two such scriptures that I battled so very hard with in those 13 days.

“ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”Jeremiah 29:11

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8

I can’t even begin to count the number of times I recited these scriptures, or parts of these scriptures during that time. I’m quite sure I sounded like a broken record. However, I just knew that whatever was going on with me, the chaos that I found myself in, that God held in me the palm of his hands and that he was going to take care of things. In the midst of my storm all I could do was recite the promises that the Lord had given me in order to get me through. 

The other lesson that I learned in those 13 days was one I was not expecting. I had always heard our pastors share when they traveled, that they coveted our prayers and I never fully understood what that meant until those days. I coveted the prayers of the saints so deeply because I knew it was those prayers that were going to pull me loose from the grip that death had on my life. I coveted those prayers so much that my spirit actually hurt. I know that may sound crazy, but I was in no physical condition to be able to intercede for myself, so I truly was relying on the prayers of others to swing the pendulum of death in the opposite direction. 

In the natural, my stroke should have taken my life, or at the very least left me severely and permanently disabled, but it did not. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt because of fighting with the word, and the power of prayer I am now a normal functioning member of society. My stroke has left no physical evidence of it’s existence. However, it has left a supernatural mark on my spirit that I can never possibly forget. I am so grateful for the lessons learned during this time. They are lessons that I cherish so deeply.

God truly does hear our cries! He hears both the intercessions we make on the behalf of others and the scriptures we repeatedly recite in the face of adversity! These things do not fall on the ears of a deaf God. He is faithful to hear our cries poured out in humility. So I encourage you to write scripture on your innermost parts so that in your times of need you have something to focus your attention on and rehearse. These scriptures will be your saving grace in the most difficult of times! 

Lord, I thank you for your word! I thank you for your promises that you reveal to us in your word! Help us to tuck these promises away in our hearts so that when times of adversity come we can pull them out and begin to battle with them. Lord, we know that there is power in your word. Help us to use that power to fight our battles. Help us not to get lazy in memorizing scripture because we never know when we are going to need it! Thank you also for the prayers of the saints. I pray that you help us to remember to lift up our brothers and sisters in the faith. We know that not only is there power in your word, but there is power in prayer. Thank you Lord that you have given us these two tools to encourage us in our faith in the most difficult of times. Thank you Lord that you never leave us nor forsake us. Thank you Lord that you hear our cries. Thank you that you hear when we repeatedly rehearse your word to get us through our challenges. You are so faithful!

My By Faith Shoes

I was in church the other Sunday and I was wearing a pair of stilettos that are near and dear to my heart. No, I’m not being materialistic here. There is a story behind these shoes. I felt as if I needed to share this story with you all. After my stroke, it was a long hard road in fighting to get back the things that were taken from me. My stroke had caused paralysis down my entire left hand side of my body. It effected my ability to walk, talk, it impaired my vision, it effected my ability to process information and retrieve information in my working memory. Now that you see all the areas that my stroke affected you can better understand why I might get emotional over a pair of stilettos. The sheer amount of mental effort it took just to get myself from my bed and across the hall to the bathroom was inconceivable. I never realized just how much work my brain did in any given second of the day! I have since acquired a newfound appreciation for the the workings of this complicated organ.

As time went on, I slowly began to regain capabilities that were once so difficult. This include walking, but before I had gained proficiency with my balance, my husband and I went out on a date. We ended up at the mall. And being the wonderful man that he is, he took me into a shoe store. He knows oh so well that I suffer from a slight shoe fetish, so he will indulge me from time to time. I am not one of these people who need to own tons of shoes, but I do enjoy perusing the new inventory and seeing what catches my eye. This particular day a colorful pair of stilettos practically jumped off the shelf. I ended up trying them on, but it was not a pretty sight when I decided I wanted to walk to the mirror to see what they looked like on my feet. My husband held my arm as I very slowly and with gumby legs made my way to the mirror. Now, for a woman with a shoe fetish, I fell completely in love with these shoes, but the sheer fact that I could not walk in them made me talk myself right out of the thought entirely.  

My husband proceeded to tell me he thought they looked good on me and that I should get them. I must have looked at him with the most depressed look known to man as I proceeded to tell him that I can’t even walk in them much less think about taking them home. The wisdom of God must have been on the man’s lips that day because what he said brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. He said “Honey, we are going to buy these shoes that by faith you will walk in them one day!” So with that, the shoes journed home with me. It was months and months before I was able to wear them out. I would frequently pull them out of the closet and try them on just to see how my progress was measuring up. Now, today every time I put on these stilettos I am reminded just how faithful my God has been to me. These shoes have been labeled my “By Faith Shoes” because we purchased them at a time I could not walk in them, but by faith my God was going to bring me to a place of deliverance! And that is exactly what he has done!

Truly this story is not just about a pair of shoes. It is about placing my faith in my God who is well able to do what he has planed to do. The Lord is faithful and He always will be. Nothing is ever going to change that fact. But what happens sometimes is that we forget just how faithful he can be, especially in the midst of our hardships and trials. I am thankful that I have a little reminder that I can slip on from time to time to keep me from forgetting just how faithful my God truly is.

Throughout various parts of the Old Testament, the Israelites built altars of remembrance. These altars were reminders of what God had done in those particular places. They were often built  in remembrance of a miracle, a dramatic rescue, or to mark a lesson they had learned. They were meant to be reminders to future generations of God’s faithfulness and to give them strength to face their current trials.

For me, my “altar of remembrance” are these particular pair of stilettos. Not because I worship them, but because they serve as a reminder of the faithfulness of God in my life. What is your altar of remembrance? My prayer is that you may find something that triggers in you a deep reminder of the faithfulness of God. Something that will help keep you grounded in the hard times. Something that every time you look at that particular thing you say: “Look what the Lord has done!” May the Lord help you to find your own pair of “by faith shoes.”

Recovery Road

As I shared in my first post, I found myself on a difficult road these last three years, and it has been one I do not care to repeat. But in the same breath I must also say this, I count it a blessing that I have had the opportunity to walk this very path. I know that may sound a little crazy to some of you. How many people can say they are thankful they suffered a stroke at the ripe old age of 31? However, I have found that the Lord has used this situation in my life to bring about more than I could have ever learned by walking an easier road, one with less mountains to climb, and less rocks in the way. If the last three years had been a cake walk I am quite sure I would have missed out on some beautiful workings of God in my life. It truly has been amazing! It's funny how the Lord will use difficult circumstances in our lives to allow us to see Him for who He really is, and to open our eyes to things that we have never seen before.  

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish it's work so that you will be made mature and complete not lacking anything." James 1:2-4

Throughout the past three years I have had the opportunity to walk in the shoes of those who obviously have experienced a stroke and have had to recover from that. I have walked in the shoes of those who live with chronic pain. I have experienced the depths of depression. I completely understand those who live at the mercy of the side effects of their medications just so they can manage through each day. I have experienced what it is like to completely rely on another human being for your livelihood. I have also experienced the depths of love and friendship.

I am so thankful for the love that has been poured out on me during this season in my life. The Lord has blessed me with a husband who literally did everything for me in a time I could do nothing for myself. I saw the most beautiful side of a servant's heart flowing out of him. This is a side of him I had not seen before, a side of him that has made me fall more in love with him then the day I married him. I saw a sacrificial, servant type love. It ministered so deeply to me in those early days of recovery, and it still does three years later! Also during this time, our church family rallied around us and helped us to keep moving forward in a time when it would have been so easy to stop trying. They made meals for us for six months after my stroke and on top of that, they came to clean our house each week! Our family came to our aide countless times to help with our children, my appointments and so many other loose ends. Just as I said, I have experienced the depths of love and friendship.

To this day I experience daily pain since my stroke. The stroke is not the cause of my pain, but rather what triggered my stroke is to blame for that one. Due to the extensive number of medications I have tried over the years I have truly lived at the mercy of the side effects of each one. Those of you who have experience in this department will know that your body is no longer under your control. I had mentioned depression, this was one major thing I faced and it was a side effect of one of the medications I was on. I never understood depression until I walked a mile in those shoes. I didn't understand how someone bubbly and happy go lucky could find herself wanting to stay in bed or not wanting to leave the house. I felt a constant cloud of heaviness hovering over me as if it was going to fall and crush me. I am grateful to the Lord that the cloud of heaviness has since lifted, but what a challenging time it was!

Those of you who are walking in these shoes today, I pray that the Lord places his hand upon you and lifts your cloud of heaviness from you. My heart hurts for you because it feels like such a place of loneliness and hopelessness, but the Lord does not desire for you to live in such a place. He desires to set you free from the chains that hold you fast. The Lord desires to free your mind, to fill you with love, joy and peace. I pray you will find a peace in the Lord that passes all understanding and will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus this very day!  

"And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7