The Growing Pains Of Motherhood

I recently had the precious opportunity to spend several hours with a new mom and her little bundle of joy. I was overwhelmed by the host of memories and emotions that flooded my mind as she began to share her heart. It has been over nine years since I stood in her shoes as a first-time mom, and yet I felt as if I was walking in them simultaneously with her. Becoming a mom for the first time is something that leaves a definite imprint on the heart and mind. In those early days, I found myself looking at other moms who “had it all together” and thinking that I was nothing short of a failure. These thoughts were overwhelming and daunting in those early days of sleepless nights. I would find myself crying for no reason at all and wishing I could just crawl in a hole am make the cycle of sleeplessness and nonstop baby cries disappear just so I could feel normal for just two seconds. But wishing never changed the fact that God had blessed me with a precious little life, even though it did not feel much like a blessing at the time. What I failed to see and I’m sure many new moms overlook this as well, is that every single new mom faces the same struggles when a little life is brought home from the hospital. It is not just new moms, but every mom, even the experienced moms also face these same set of circumstances. The list includes; hormone levels that don’t know which direction they are going, emotions running rampant, feeding issues (nursing or formula included), sleepless nights, crying babies, dirty diapers, multiple outfit changes each day (sometimes for both mommy and baby), a month's worth of bleeding, the never-ending piles of dirty laundry, not having time to eat, take a shower, or brush your teeth, balancing new baby with existing relationships and wishing this phase was all over! Did I miss anything?

Struggle

All moms start out with these same set of circumstances handed to them when they leave the hospital and sometimes we don’t realize that despite what it looks like from the outside, the circumstances are still the same for every momma. We moms can sometimes get tunnel vision and only see the good, but fail to realize that amidst all of the good things we see, there has been much toil and pain that had to take place in order for the fruit to appear. Just like in child labor, in order for a baby to enter into the world, momma had to experience significant pain and trial. God has orchestrated a beautiful thing here. The process is hard for a reason. It is in the midst of the process that we grow and learn. 

Ladies, may I encourage you in something here, enjoy those early moments! You never get back the late night feedings, the middle of the night cuddle times, or the tiny little fingers and toes because the time slips away so very quickly. I think this is one of the reasons why the emotions and memories were so very vivid to me when I spent time with this new mother. The time slips away so quickly that it truly felt like yesterday that I was pacing the floor in the middle of the night with a screaming baby in my arms and tears running down my face wishing the crying would stop so I could just crawl back in bed.

Why the Comparing?
As it is true that all moms are faced with the same set of circumstances upon leaving the hospital. It is also true that not all moms handle those circumstances the same way. God has designed each of us very differently, and for good reason. So because each of us were created so differently, what makes us think that we are going to handle that set of circumstances perfectly or that it’s going to look like Mrs. Jones? The truth of the matter is that God did not make us to be the clone of Mrs. Jones. So, spending our time comparing ourselves to her is nothing more than a waste of time. God wants us to raise up our children in the way He wants them to go. Not in the way He wants Mrs. Jones' children to go. God’s vision for our family is going to look completely different than the vision for Mrs. Jones' family. We should not waste our time trying to be like someone we are not, and trying to walk in someone else’s vision. Let’s not waste time comparing ourselves with other women. Let’s spend our time seeking out what God desires for us to do in the process of raising up these precious gifts He has entrusted to us. I personally have wasted so time wishing I had it together just like Mrs. Jones and truly the only thing it did for me was make me discouraged. It was not a fun place to be!

God gave us these precious little ones to raise them up in His ways. Let’s try to wrap our minds around this just for a second. God trusts us so much that He would entrust into our keeping these helpless, defenseless little lives, not so we can mess up and be a failure, but so that we can pass on to them the knowledge of the saving grace we have found in our Lord Jesus Christ. So that the joy of the Lord can be their portion. So that their cups can be full and running over with all that God has to offer. We are not raising up our children for ourselves. We are raising up our children for the Lord! What an honor and privilege that is! I wonder if I had entered into motherhood with this concept that children are a special blessing a, a precious gift sent by God that He entrusts me with if I would have felt quite so overwhelmed in those early days. Please don’t get me wrong here. I by no means think it would have made me into a saint. I am quite sure I would have had plenty of discouraging moments, but I just wonder if my overall outlook would have been more balanced in those early days. I guess only God knows the answer to that one.

Lord, I pray that as we find ourselves entering into the various phases of motherhood that we seek your face in each step of the way. Help us to remember that you have created us and each of our families with a special vision in mind. Help us not to compare ourselves to others when we lose track of that vision from time to time. Thank you that we are not all called to do the same things, but you have called us each uniquely into the kingdom for very different purposes. Help us to raise up our children in the ways you want them to go. Help us not to get overwhelmed in the processes because at times we can feel like it is more then we can handle. I thank you for being with us each and every step of the process of raising up these precious little ones!

Touching The Hem Of His Garment

I would like to refresh ourselves on the story of the woman of the issue of blood. Please bear with me as I share a longer section of scripture than I normally do, but I feel that it is necessary to examine this story completely in order to share what is on my heart to share today.

“A large crowd followed and pressed around him (Jesus). And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years. She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse. When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, because she thought, “If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed.” Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering.

At once Jesus realized that power had gone out from him. He turned around in the crowd and asked, “Who touched my clothes?”

“You see the people crowding against you,” his disciples answered, “and yet you can ask, ‘Who touched me?’ ”

But Jesus kept looking around to see who had done it. Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet and, trembling with fear, told him the whole truth. He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.” Mark 5:24-34

The Struggle
I want us to get a clear picture of what is going on in this section of scripture.This is a woman who has been bleeding continuously for 12 years! She had been to every doctor known to man and quite possibly done and tried some things outside of the realm of doctors. In her day and age she was considered ritually unclean. In other words, she was a social outcast. She would have been treated much like a leper would have been treated in many cases. She was shunned from her community of family and friends. This woman was desperate to get any form of help that she could to become a functioning member of society once again. She had tried every avenue she knew to get herself back into good social standing, but everything she had tried failed. And not only did they fail, they had left her destitute, impoverished and penniless. Unable to help herself any longer she had heard of a Jewish leader named Jesus. Now Jesus himself was a very controversial man of His time. He went around healing people, forgiven people of their sins admitting that He was the son of God. The priests wanted Him dead, as well as many in the Jewish community. However, He had a very devout following and if the things this woman had heard about Him were, true then all she needed to do was merely touch the hem of His garment and her problems could be solved! One major issue still loomed over her head as she contemplated her decision to go search out Jesus. He was a Jew and she was unclean. According to Jewish law if she even so much as touched Him then He would be considered unclean as well. I believe this is the reason behind her seeking out to touch the hem of His clothing rather than His physical body. If she touched His physical body, beyond a shadow of a doubt He would have been labeled unclean. But by her touching His clothing and not His physical person, she would be able to justify that she did not touch Him, but rather His clothing and she could quite possibly plead her case.

With her mind made up she set out to find Jesus. I’m sure He was not a hard man to track down considering the news of Him traveled like wildfire. As she gets there, she sees Him surrounded by swarms of people all begging for Jesus’ attention. This woman only had one thing on mind by the time she caught up with the crowd. “Touch the hem of His garment.” That was her goal and nothing was going to deter her from attaining that one thing she came for! She forcefully and strategically worked her way through the crowd. Her body weak and fail, but her mind was strong and steadfast on this one thing. She had determined that she would die trying to get to Jesus if she had to. With Jesus in her sights her mind began to get even more determined. With a last stitch effort she crawls her way to His feet. With her pointer finger she ever so strategically touches the very hem of His garment and in that very instant she feels a change in her physical body. She feels the healing power of God rush into her like a raging river, restoring her body wholly and completely!

Jesus First
I want us stop here for just a moment and examine our own lives. When have we ever sought after God in such a way that no matter what happened we were determined to get to Him? I know for me, I have failed on this level more times than I care to admit. God’s desire is that we long to seek after Him, that we push through all of the distractions that this life will inevitably throw at us, and get to Jesus! Change can not come unless we get ourselves at His feet! Some of us are facing some pretty enormous challenges in our lives and we desire change to come, but it is never going to come unless we desperately seek out Jesus. This woman suffered for 12 years. She desperately wanted her situation to change, but it wasn’t until this woman whole heartedly sought out the Lord that change became her portion. She had gone down every other avenue first. She had made Jesus her last resort. This really should be the opposite. Jesus should have been her first and only avenue! Many of us make that same mistake. I know I am guilty of trying to figure things out on my own before ever taking it to Jesus. God desires that we cast all of our cares on Him, no matter how big or how small they may seem. 

A Greater Miracle
Let’s continue on in our story because there is one more thing here that I think is important to bring out. The instant that the woman touches Jesus, He feels the power leave Him. He knew that someone had just received healing. When Jesus poses the question to the crowd "Who was the person who just touch me?" It wasn’t because He did not know who it was. This question was truly a leading question. It allowed Jesus to see the heart of the woman. She laid herself at His feet and wept, confessing and sharing all that had just happened. She shared her reasons and intentions and basically laid her heart out in front of Jesus. The beautiful thing about this story is this, Jesus asked this question so this woman would come forward because it was in that moment of vulnerability that He was able to do an even greater work than her physical healing. Jesus healed her heart that day as well, a miracle she herself did not even expect to get!

The one thing Jesus is most concerned with is not our physical bodies, it is the condition of our heart! He desires for our hearts to be whole because ultimately we leave behind our bodies, but our souls stay with us in eternity. It is our hearts that connect with God, not our bodies. So we can see why Christ would desire our hearts get his utmost attention when it comes to the healing process. What a beautiful thing that God does for us. He heals our hearts! I am so thankful to be serving a God who is more concerned with the eternal things than the things that are merely temporary.

Lord, thank you that you desire for our hearts to be whole. Help us to be steadfast in putting off the distractions of this life and seeking you for the trials that we will inevitably find ourselves in. Help us not to go searching for other avenues to “fix” our problems, but help us to come to you first when we are struggling with things. We do not want for you to be our last resort but we desire to seek you and your kingdom first. Thank you that you are more concerned with the healing of our hearts then the healing of our bodies. You are concerned with all things eternal and that is a true blessing!

Carrying One Another's Burdens

“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2

What does this verse look like in our lives?

Before this can be answered, let’s first establish what “carrying one another’s burdens” is not. It is not pointing out someone’s faults. It is not telling someone what they should have done. It is not telling someone what we would have done in their situation. It is not waiting anxiously for someone to ask us what we think and then giving our opinion. It does not have all of the answers, in fact it does not have most of the answers. It is not preaching a five point sermon to someone who is struggling. (Are you beginning to catch a common thread here?)

“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,” James 1:19

Don't talk, Listen!

We are all going to face struggles and hardships in our lifetime. We all know what if feels like to be in the trenches or to find ourselves in a dark and lonely place. For many of us, the very thing we need when we are going through our struggles unfortunately, is not the same thing we give out when others come to us with their struggles. Let me explain. Sometimes in our struggles we need a listening ear and instead of getting a listening ear, we get a person sharing their experience and how they did things a specific way. Please don’t get me wrong here, there are times when those experiences need to be shared, but there are also times when the person struggling simply needs to talk through some things with no advice attached to it from the one “listening.” 

I know for me, my times of struggle have often been spent in silence when I should have been sharing with someone, crying on their shoulder and the time together ending in some serious prayer. However, silence became my companion in so many of those times. I blame myself for much of this because I, like so many others I’m sure, walk through life as if constantly attending a masquerade ball. So often others around me are unable to tell I am struggling unless I am asked directly. I conceal my breaking heart behind a smiling mask. 

Carry!
So, because of this I find that in my times of struggle I am not typically asked how I am doing. I mean really how I am doing. You know the kind of asking that the person does when they look straight into your eyes as if they are looking directly at your very soul. Yet, it comes across like this “I’m asking you how you are doing because I love you, I care about you and I want to pray for you. I want to invest my time in you. I am in no hurry to go anywhere else. I will be here as long as you need me. I am here to cry right along side you and pray with you as long as you need. I more then likely don't have any answers for you, but I serve a God that we can talk to about everything.” Instead, it often comes across more like this “I’m asking how you’re doing because I am curious, and because it is a common courtesy to ask you how you are doing, not because I want to invest my time in you, but because this is what I am supposed to do. This is the socially acceptable thing to do.” Can you see the difference here? Which person would you open up your heart to? The sad part about this is the fact that we as a society have made ourselves unavailable for people. We have become so immersed in so many things that we have lost the ability to even have time to invest in the hearts of others. I am guilty of this very thing myself. My heart longs for these types of relationships. Not just in my life, but in the lives of others. I truly believe that when God created us, that it was not His intent for us to try and figure this thing out on our own. God has designed us to have close relationships with fellow believers in Christ so that when we struggle, we can carry each other’s burdens and place them at the feet of the Father rather than simply tell each other what to do.

There has been several occasions over the years that women have poured out their hearts out to me. I have cried right along with them. In just about every case I did not have a single word of advice to give them. All I could do was hug them, cry with them, and pray with them. I thank God for these opportunities. I pray for more like them. These opportunities have brought such blessing to my heart because I see the beauty of the hearts of these women and it is so very precious. My hope is that when you find yourselves in similar situations that you will remember to simply carry these precious hearts to the feet of our heavenly Father and stay there with them as long as they need.

Related Posts: The Call To One Another Living

Lord, I pray that you give us the courage to ask others how they are doing and in such a way that we are willing to invest the time into carrying their burdens. I pray that we be willing to lay aside our busy schedules and make time for those who are hurting. Father, help us not to approach these times with advice, but rather with a heart full and overflowing with your love and compassion for them, with arms wide open and hands ready to embrace them. Lord, show us how to guard and protect the hearts of those hurting, but most importantly to lay their hurting hearts at your feet with as much love and compassion as you have shown us on the cross. Thank you for the example of love you have set for us.  

Leap Of Faith

A leap of faith is simply jumping out of the boat of our own comfort and into the hands of the Father. I know for me personally, I had found myself in a place of comfort for far too long. I have had some desires in my heart for many years and it wasn’t until I jumped out of the boat of my own established comfort that I was able to see some of those desires come to life. Sometimes what the Lord requires of us is to stop being comfortable in who we have become and start taking a leap of faith into who He is going to make us. Starting this blog was a huge leap of faith for me. First of all, it requires me to write. I have little to no confidence in my ability to clearly communicate  my thoughts effectively. Secondly, it requires me to be in a place of openness and vulnerability, a place I am completely uncomfortable with. And to add to that feeling of discomfort, I am opening my christian walk up to a world of potential criticism. These areas of weakness and vulnerability can be a frightening place to be without the Lord. So, in thinking about jumping out of the boat I found myself looking at the life of Moses. Even Moses questioned the Lord when his calling came to go to Egypt and speak to Pharaoh. I am no less human than Moses, but even Moses jumped out of his boat of comfort and God came along side him and equipped him with all the means necessary to accomplish the insurmountable task of delivering his people from the hand of Pharaoh. Why would the Lord do any less for me when the calling comes?

“Moses said to the Lord, “Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.” The Lord said to him, “Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.” Exodus 4:10-12

My mind is also drawn to Peter, whom Christ Himself beckoned him to literally get out of the boat and walk on the water. Peter, being just a mere human, whom I’m sure had his moments of questioning Jesus, in that moment of beckoning did not hesitate, but stepped out of his boat of comfort. If you recall the story, Peter was not the only one in the boat. The other disciples who had walked and talked, seen and experienced all of the same things that Peter had were right alongside Peter in that boat as well. Yet, Peter was the only one to get out of the boat, causing me to realize that our boat of comfort is just that, comfortable. So many of us do not want to leave our comfort zones when Christ beckons. Believe me I did not want to either!

“Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.” Matthew 14:29

As I continue to stay out of my boat of comfort, I can honestly say that the Lord has been so faithful to His promise that He will go before me. I am so thankful that when He calls us out of the boat He does not leave us to drown. Yet, it is not until we are out of the boat that the impossibility of walking on the water is made possible. Walking on the water did not happen for the disciples who stayed in the boat, only for Peter, the one disciple who had the courage to take the leap of faith.

“The Lord your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes, and in the wilderness. There you saw how the Lord your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place.” Deuteronomy 1:30-31

As I continue to grow in my walk with the Lord I am seeing new areas open up that I never knew existed, new boats of comfort I am finding that I need to step out of. In our Christian walk we never “arrive.” The Lord is continually finding new ways to stretch our comfort zones a little farther than we had ever imagined they could be stretched. As the Lord beckons you to “come,” I want to encourage you in this, He is there in the waters waiting for you. He will not let you drown. 

Lord, as you beckon us to “come,” I pray that we will take a deep breath in and then take the leap of faith right into your arms. I thank you that you do not call us out of the boat only to watch us drown. I thank you that you promise to go before us, that you will give us the words to speak in those moments of stretching. I thank you that you desire us to get out of our boats in order for us to accomplish your will and purpose in our lives, not to harm us, but to bring about much needed spiritual growth in our lives. I thank you that you have our hearts in the palm of your hands. Fill us with a spirit of boldness and bravery to look fear in the eye and just leap.