The Growing Pains Of Motherhood

I recently had the precious opportunity to spend several hours with a new mom and her little bundle of joy. I was overwhelmed by the host of memories and emotions that flooded my mind as she began to share her heart. It has been over nine years since I stood in her shoes as a first-time mom, and yet I felt as if I was walking in them simultaneously with her. Becoming a mom for the first time is something that leaves a definite imprint on the heart and mind. In those early days, I found myself looking at other moms who “had it all together” and thinking that I was nothing short of a failure. These thoughts were overwhelming and daunting in those early days of sleepless nights. I would find myself crying for no reason at all and wishing I could just crawl in a hole am make the cycle of sleeplessness and nonstop baby cries disappear just so I could feel normal for just two seconds. But wishing never changed the fact that God had blessed me with a precious little life, even though it did not feel much like a blessing at the time. What I failed to see and I’m sure many new moms overlook this as well, is that every single new mom faces the same struggles when a little life is brought home from the hospital. It is not just new moms, but every mom, even the experienced moms also face these same set of circumstances. The list includes; hormone levels that don’t know which direction they are going, emotions running rampant, feeding issues (nursing or formula included), sleepless nights, crying babies, dirty diapers, multiple outfit changes each day (sometimes for both mommy and baby), a month's worth of bleeding, the never-ending piles of dirty laundry, not having time to eat, take a shower, or brush your teeth, balancing new baby with existing relationships and wishing this phase was all over! Did I miss anything?

Struggle

All moms start out with these same set of circumstances handed to them when they leave the hospital and sometimes we don’t realize that despite what it looks like from the outside, the circumstances are still the same for every momma. We moms can sometimes get tunnel vision and only see the good, but fail to realize that amidst all of the good things we see, there has been much toil and pain that had to take place in order for the fruit to appear. Just like in child labor, in order for a baby to enter into the world, momma had to experience significant pain and trial. God has orchestrated a beautiful thing here. The process is hard for a reason. It is in the midst of the process that we grow and learn. 

Ladies, may I encourage you in something here, enjoy those early moments! You never get back the late night feedings, the middle of the night cuddle times, or the tiny little fingers and toes because the time slips away so very quickly. I think this is one of the reasons why the emotions and memories were so very vivid to me when I spent time with this new mother. The time slips away so quickly that it truly felt like yesterday that I was pacing the floor in the middle of the night with a screaming baby in my arms and tears running down my face wishing the crying would stop so I could just crawl back in bed.

Why the Comparing?
As it is true that all moms are faced with the same set of circumstances upon leaving the hospital. It is also true that not all moms handle those circumstances the same way. God has designed each of us very differently, and for good reason. So because each of us were created so differently, what makes us think that we are going to handle that set of circumstances perfectly or that it’s going to look like Mrs. Jones? The truth of the matter is that God did not make us to be the clone of Mrs. Jones. So, spending our time comparing ourselves to her is nothing more than a waste of time. God wants us to raise up our children in the way He wants them to go. Not in the way He wants Mrs. Jones' children to go. God’s vision for our family is going to look completely different than the vision for Mrs. Jones' family. We should not waste our time trying to be like someone we are not, and trying to walk in someone else’s vision. Let’s not waste time comparing ourselves with other women. Let’s spend our time seeking out what God desires for us to do in the process of raising up these precious gifts He has entrusted to us. I personally have wasted so time wishing I had it together just like Mrs. Jones and truly the only thing it did for me was make me discouraged. It was not a fun place to be!

God gave us these precious little ones to raise them up in His ways. Let’s try to wrap our minds around this just for a second. God trusts us so much that He would entrust into our keeping these helpless, defenseless little lives, not so we can mess up and be a failure, but so that we can pass on to them the knowledge of the saving grace we have found in our Lord Jesus Christ. So that the joy of the Lord can be their portion. So that their cups can be full and running over with all that God has to offer. We are not raising up our children for ourselves. We are raising up our children for the Lord! What an honor and privilege that is! I wonder if I had entered into motherhood with this concept that children are a special blessing a, a precious gift sent by God that He entrusts me with if I would have felt quite so overwhelmed in those early days. Please don’t get me wrong here. I by no means think it would have made me into a saint. I am quite sure I would have had plenty of discouraging moments, but I just wonder if my overall outlook would have been more balanced in those early days. I guess only God knows the answer to that one.

Lord, I pray that as we find ourselves entering into the various phases of motherhood that we seek your face in each step of the way. Help us to remember that you have created us and each of our families with a special vision in mind. Help us not to compare ourselves to others when we lose track of that vision from time to time. Thank you that we are not all called to do the same things, but you have called us each uniquely into the kingdom for very different purposes. Help us to raise up our children in the ways you want them to go. Help us not to get overwhelmed in the processes because at times we can feel like it is more then we can handle. I thank you for being with us each and every step of the process of raising up these precious little ones!