Our Defense Mechanism

I recently had a conversation with a someone about how hurt can cause a person to act harshly, and this very topic was reinforced the very next morning in my devotional time with my children. I have learned over the years that when God wants to teach me something, He will often reveal it in multiple ways. I love this about our God! He knows that being the humans that we are, repetition is invaluable to the learning process, and I for one desperately need repetition in this process of training. I have spent some time thinking about this particular concept and I wanted to share with you my thought process on the subject.

I want us to think about a time when someone has said something or done something that has hurt us. Typically, we will put up our defense mechanism. For some of us this defense mechanism comes in the form of boxing gloves. For others of us this defense mechanism is to retreat, flee and to avoid any form of conflict. Neither method resolves the situation in which we have found ourselves, but they are both very common responses when someone hurts us. Scripture makes it very clear the response we should have toward those who hurt us.

“But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” Matthew 5:44-48

“Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary:If your enemy is hungry, feed him;  if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” Romans 12:14-21

How To Treat Those Who Hurt Us

• love them
• pray for them
• bless them
• do not curse them
• rejoice and mourn with them
• live in harmony and peace with them
• do not be proud or conceited
• associate with people in “low” positions
• do not repay evil for evil, do not take revenge
• do what is right
• give your enemy food and drink
• repay evil with good
• be perfect as your heavenly father is perfect

Wow, what a list! As I stated earlier, scripture is very clear on how we should treat those who hurt us. We would have no problem treating our best friends according to the things on this list, but the Lord is not talking about our best friends here. He is talking about our enemies, He is talking about those who have hurt us, cut us to the deep and then turned around and laughed about it with others. Our natural response to those who hurt us is often to hurt right back, but according to scripture that is the complete opposite of what we are supposed to be doing. If we treat those who hurt us with all the respect and kindness found on this list then we do not have to worry about the outcome. This section of scripture states “It is mine to avenge. I will repay says the Lord.” In other words, the Lord will handle the hearts of those who hurt us if we handle them with love and mercy. Please keep in mind that God’s “avenging” and “repaying” will probably not look like what we have in mind. We serve a God who desires that all come to the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. He does not desire for anyone to perish (2 Peter 3:9). So knowing this, His ultimate goal is to change the hearts and minds of those who hurt us. He does not desire to “make them pay” for what they have done to us. He is patient with them, just as He was patient with us in waiting for us to come to repentance. This is not to say that hardships and stumbling blocks may not come their way, but God will use those hardships and those stumbling blocks as a means to open the eyes of their hearts so they will turn their hearts toward Him. As Christians, it is our responsibility to act according to God's word. It is God's responsibility to take care of their heart. We do not have the ability to change the hearts or minds of others. We must let that in the hands of our heavenly Father, for He always knows what is best in all situations. His word tells us that He will work all things together for good for those that love God (Romans 8:28.) We must trust that as we do our part, God will do His part.

Our Spiritual Defense Mechanism

I want to encourage each of us to take this list, copy it down somewhere in a place that we  can access it quickly and easily so that we can rehearse it often. We are all going to face times when we are hurt or even frustrated by the words or actions of others. When we find ourselves in this situation we will be able to pull out this list and know exactly how to treat those who mistreat us. As stated earlier, repetition is a wonderful thing to help us learn some valuable lessons in the Lord. Let’s rehearse this list often and use it to help guide our words and actions so others can see Jesus in us! Half the battle will be rehearsing this list, the other half of the battle will be remembering not to pull out the boxing gloves but rather respond with love and mercy. That’s a tough one, but not impossible with the Lord!

Lord, help us in those moments when others hurt and frustrate us to remember what your word tells us about the right way to respond. Help us to pull this list out frequently and rehearse it so that when we are faced with a situation we already have a plan of action in place. Help us to remember not to take matters into our own hands but to act according to your word and to leave the outcome in your hands. You know what is best for us and for the ones who have hurt us. Help us to treat them with all the love and kindness that you would bestow upon them yourself. Help us to be the the evidence of Christ to those who bring hurt and frustration to our hearts.  

*For more information on this topic please visit my post entitled "Hurts."