Conflicts Of Christmas

In light of the Christmas season, my mind has been mulling over the conflicts that we as Christians face in this age with the whole concept of Santa Clause. Yes, I am going there. What triggered this thought process was a post on Facebook by a Christian seeking advice about whether or not to do the whole Santa Clause thing. We are constantly bombarded with all kinds of things that are contrary to Christ. “But Santa is not against Christ. You can do Santa and Jesus both at Christmas.” Says the well-meaning, unsold-out Sunday Christian. Please excuse the sarcasm here as I promise to justify myself.

Breaking down Christmas

Santa, while seemingly innocent enough, does not convey the true meaning of Christmas. As Christians, we know that the true meaning of Christmas is Christ and if you take that away all you have is “mas.” If you look up that word “mas” you will find its meaning to be “a carnival.” (dictionary.com) So without Christ, we have a meaningless, empty celebration. When you add Christ to it (Christmas) you have a celebration of Christ. Christmas is the celebration of Christ and nothing else.

Foreigners

Looking at this concept of Santa from a parenting perspective brings yet another angle to this conflict. I have heard parents say that if they didn’t do the Santa thing, their kids would be missing out. As a family, we chose not to do Santa with our kids. This led me to ask them if they felt as if they were missing out, felt left out or jipped in any way at Christmas because of not doing the Santa thing and their response without hesitation was “No way!” My concern with this excuse really comes from two schools of thought. The first is that we are called to be in this world and not of it (John 17:16). In other words, we are called to live here, but not act like those around us. We are foreigners in this world and therefore, we should not act like we are natives. 1 Peter 2:11 says, “Dear friends, I warn you as temporary residents and foreigners to keep away from worldly desires that wage war against your very souls.” (NLT). I know you're thinking that Santa does not wage war against our souls. He gives gifts at Christmas just like the ultimate gift was Jesus. That type of thinking should send off alarms because it is taking a very sacred biblical concept and weaving fictitious nonsense into it so that we feel justified. This is exactly the type of thing satan did in the garden with Eve. He wove enough truth into his lie to make it palatable. Therefore, Eve swallowed it, literally and figuratively speaking. That was the first and deadliest method of manipulation satan has used on the human race and obviously is still using it today.

Lying

The second school of thought is, that as Christians we are called to obey the entire word of God. We should not be picking and choosing the parts of scripture that we “feel like” obeying. The word is not meant to be pigeonholed for our comfort. It is also not meant to be applied to some situations and not others. That being said, scripture is clear on the topic of lying. “The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in men who are truthful.” (NIV 1989 version). This verse is one of many in scripture that talks about lying and it states that God detests lying. He hates and abhors it. When we tell our children that a fictitious person is going to bring them gifts for Christmas. We are lying. When we tell them that he will come with his reindeer and sleigh with their gifts, we are lying. When we tell them to write a letter to Santa telling him what they want for Christmas because he will bring them something they want off that list, we are lying. When we tell them he is watching their every move to find out if they have been naughty or nice, we ARE lying. So, help me understand how lying to our children is setting a Godly example for them. How can we possibly tell our children not to lie when we have spent years and years lying to them? God’s standard does not change. He expects us to be truthful despite the fact that it might not be the most popular route to take.

Narrow way

“...For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it.  But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.” Matthew 7:13-14

Not many Christians are willing to walk the path of unpopularity. Most would much rather take the path of least resistance. They would much rather take the broad road. In our many travels, we have found that many American Christians would rather compromise their faith to make life easier then sacrifice and face potential persecution for walking the narrow road. Our human flesh does not want to be the odd ball out. We want to fit in with the crowd. (To read more about this concept read my previous post entitled "Sold Out.")

Persecution

“In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted,” 2 Timothy 3:12 (emphasis mine).

May I suggest, those of us who are not facing any type of persecution or push back from this world are not living a godly life. Ouch, a painful thought isn't it. We should not only expect people to be offended by our decisions, but we should embrace the fact that this is who God has called us to be. We are foreigners in this world, not natives. We were never meant to fit in here. Our residence is in heaven. Deep breath!

Father God, help us to lean deep into you this Christmas season. Help us to lean not on our own understandings but in all of our ways acknowledge you so you can make our paths straight. Help us to demolish strongholds that set themselves up against the knowledge of you. We realize that the attack against your Son is real and in full force. Give us the strength not to be intimidated by the crowd who is going one way when your word tells us to go another way. Lord, lead us not into the temptations of this life but deliver us from them. Give us the backbone that we need to stand up for righteousness. Give us a heart to embraces the persecution that is going to come when we live a godly life. We ask all this in the precious name of your one and only Son, Jesus Christ.

A Change In Routine

Have you ever been doing something one way for so long and then all of the sudden realized that you were missing out on some important things all because you had locked yourself into a simple routine? A while back I had an “aha” moment  about our children’s devotional time. We had been doing things one way for so long that I never thought about there even being a need to change anything. In today’s post, I would like to share with you this change we made in our household and what this change has meant for us as a family.

Change in routine

As I have shared with you in the past, we home school our three children. We have always been faithful about having a time of family devotions each morning, especially during the school months, but we have not been as diligent at translating that need for our children to foster their own personal devotional time with the Lord. So, this year we have been very purposeful in scheduling time for our children to have their own time to read their Bibles each day. We have been faithfully using the “Our Daily Bread” for our morning devotional time for years. This devotional has a special place in our hearts because it is the same devotional that my husband's grandparents used with their children and grandchildren and so we find if very befitting to carry on this precious tradition. However, lately we have found ourselves veering off the routine of simply reading the given scriptures and the short story provided with each daily devotional. The change in our devotional structure has to do with our decision to set time aside for our children to read their Bibles on their own. Let me explain. In each “Our Daily Bread” devotional there is a section that says “Bible in a year. “ They have broken down the Bible into small chunks of reading each day to make it easy to read through the entire Bible in one year provided that you remain faithful each day. They usually give you about three or four chapters each day and sometimes if the chapters are long they will break it apart into smaller portions. Several months ago I realized that this section was part of our devotional each day. My husband and I discussed the idea of having the children read through the Bible this year, partly for school, and partly because we wanted to foster independent devotional time.

A pleasant surprise

So on the first day of school we did our devotional time like normal and I assigned their first three chapters. I shared with them why we were making these changes. I told them that when we came back the next morning I wanted them to share at least one thing they learned, found interesting, or they liked about those three chapters. I released them to their assignment and was blown away the next morning by what happened. I had been a little concerned that my seven year old would find the reading too difficult or too long, but the complete opposite happened. She excitedly read the three chapters on her own and came to devotional time with so many new and interesting things to share about what the Word of God was teaching her little heart. I have to tell you it made my heart just melt to hear my children talking about the Word of God as if they were having an adult discussion. They were sharing verses that spoke to their spirit like they had been doing it for years. And to think I had been worried that they wouldn’t understand what they were reading, or that it would be like pulling teeth to get them to read. I have found that they are genuinely excited, and months later, they still continue to be diligent about reading. Most of the time I don’t even have to remind them to get it done. I simply write down the chapters on our whiteboard in the morning and they have no trouble getting it done.

One side note that I think you all should know is that when we invested in our children’s first full sized Bibles we specifically sought out a version that would be easier for them to read and understand on their own. Each of my children have their own copy of an “International Children’s Bible.” This particular version is published by Tommy Nelson, a common household name in Christian children’s ministries. We encourage our children to write notes, underline and highlight anything that speaks to them right in their Bibles. We want their interactions with their children’s Bible to be similar to the interactions we as parents have with our own Bibles each morning. We wanted them to explore God’s word for themselves. The “International Children’s Bible” simplifies the reading but doesn’t water the word of God down. Please note, that as I am sharing this product with you all, I am in no way affiliated with these companies. They don’t even know I exist and I surely don’t mind keeping it that way. My blog is not here to become a marketing scheme. The links to these sights are merely there for your reference. My only intentions is for you all to know what we personally use and how helpful we have found this resource to be for our children. (Sorry for the short rant but I just want to make that clear.) At some point we will graduate them to a different version, but for now we are enjoying the fact that they are writing God’s word on their little hearts and understanding it!  

Our devotional time

I can not stress enough the importance of getting into the word of God on a daily bases! I know for me personally, I need that alone time with the Lord so desperately and when I don’t get it, it throws my whole day into a tailspin. I get short tempered, easily agitated, and my peace seems to be non existent. Let’s be real here, sometimes I can get that way even when I have had my time with the Lord in the morning, but it somehow seems to rear it’s ugly head faster and with more fervency when I don’t. I’m no saint here! The Lord’s still working on me!  I can only figure that if I need the quiet time with the Lord just to keep my day balanced, how much more do our children need to learn at a young age the importance of having their quiet time with the Lord? Moreover, God longs to have intimate time with each one of us. What kind of a best friend would we be if ignore our friend, never call, or text and never want to spend any time with them. God is the same way. He desires for us to spend time with Him, to know Him on a heart to heart level. And this always starts with spending time in His word!

This is the basis for our family making the decision to read through the Bible this year. It gives my children direction in their devotional time and because we are all doing it together we have set up a platform of accountability one to another. Let’s be real, we can all use a network of accountability. It is so much easier to do things when you know someone else doing it right alongside you. Think about how much easier it is to go to the gym when you are meeting a friend there as opposed to just going by yourself. We can easily make excuses when no one is relying on us to show up, but when someone is counting on us being there it’s a whole lot harder to come up with excuses. If you are having difficulty with your daily devotional time may I suggest to you get find an accountability partner, someone who is willing to talk with you every day about what you have been reading and learning, someone who is willing to share with you the things that the Lord has been teaching their heart. This person could be your spouse, your best friend, someone from your church like a Sunday school teacher or classmate, an elder or deacon, it could be a parent or sibling, or even a neighbor. Spend some time praying about whom the Lord would desire for you to partner with in this venture. I do realize this can be a vulnerable position to be in, but it is well worth your effort to get yourself established in the word of God! Finding such a person will be such a valuable investment in your spiritual journey!

Lord, I pray that as each of us tries to establish a daily routine of delving into your word. Guide and direct each of us to the people who will encourage us in our walk. Direct us to those who will be willing to hold up our hands when we are feeling weak and vulnerable in this area. I thank you that you that you desire to spend time with each of us. I thank you that you long to know us intimately. Help us to dive into your word so that we can get to know your heart deeply and intimately. In Jesus precious name, Amen.  

Confidence Boosting Glimpses

How often do we as parents ask the question “Are we getting this parenting thing right?” We worry about our children growing up in this ever increasingly evil world. Will they be the influencer or will they will be influenced? Will they be able to withstand the missiles of the enemy or will they be the ones who will be devoured by the enemy? We worry that when we send them out, are they going to take the initiative to put on the full armor of God, or will they walk out the door with only one or two of the items and leave the rest at home? Will they continue to write God’s word on their hearts or will they be hiding other things in their hearts? Will they fight the good fight of faith or will they be overtaken by the enemy? Will they be an overcomer, or will they be overcome? Will they take ownership for the principles that we have worked so hard to instill in their hearts, or will they toss them aside like an old toy, unwanted and disregarded?

As parents we have so many worries about whether or not we are “getting this parenting thing right” that it can sometimes be a bit overwhelming. This is why I am so thankful when God sends little moments of reassurance to my heart that He is working in the hearts and lives of my children. It brings my mind such rest when I hear little reports that my children are taking ownership of the principles that we as parents have labored over to plant in their little hearts. I thank God for these little glimpses into their hearts. The Lord is faithful to show them to me because He knows that my heart and mind need a confidence booster from time to time.

I wanted to share with you one of my latest little parenting confidence boosters. It brought my worried heart such peace! My middle child is my social butterfly. She is one who as James says is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind, unstable in what she does. She is my one who has a tendency to be influenced by the crowed instead of influencing the crowd. She is not one to make waves, but rather rides them. She likes to fit in. She does not like to be different or stand out in the slightest. This has been a challenge for my husband and I because we have always told our children that they were not designed to “fit in.” They were designed to stand out. They do not belong to this world. They belong to the kingdom of God and the kingdom of God will never fit in with this world. Those who belong to the kingdom of God are to be a light in this dark world. They are supposed to stick out, and to be noticed. This goes contrary to her nature. She would so much rather blend in. I share this background with you so that you understand the significance to the my little confidence boosting story, so that you can see just how important it was for my husband and I to see just what is going on inside her little heart. My husband and I have been praying for her in this area of being influenced by the crowd for quite some time. We know that this could potentially be an area where the enemy might try to weasel his way into her heart. So, prayer was and still continues to be an essential part of raising her up.

She was riding in a car with some of our family members and a song came on the radio. Please note here, that my children rarely hear any type of music other than christian music. Their only exposure to secular music has been whatever is being funneled through the sound systems at shopping malls and grocery stores. Other than that, their exposure to this kind of music is just about non existent in our household. By now I probably have some of you asking “really?” Yes, really. We live by the idea that whatever we place in front of their eyes and ears directly affects them in one form or another. We take seriously what their little eyes and ears are exposed to. We want them to be a bright light for Jesus, not a dim one. Needless to say, everyone in the car was singing to this song except her and her little sister because they of course had never heard the song before. One other little girl in the car about her age asked her, “Don’t you know this song?” To which she obviously responded “No.” As she sat there feeling rather awkward, I think the Lord began to work on her little heart because the next song that came on the radio caused her spirit to feel quite uncomfortable. She asked the driver if the radio could be changed to something else and thankfully that was done so quickly without hesitation or question of my little girl's heart.

Here is what I want you to understand about this particular story. My husband and I were not in the car with our girls on this particular car ride. We were not there to monitor the situation and make sure their little hearts were protected from the devil being able to plant seeds that did not belong there. This story was told to us directly by our daughter herself. She shared with us how her little heart didn’t feel right. What she didn’t realize was this was the working of the Holy Spirit keeping her heart from danger. My heart about burst in humility when she shared this story with us because this could have easily gone a different way and we would have been none the wiser to the fact that the devil had taken a foothold into her heart. I share this to encourage you. As you are consistent in sewing God’s principles into the hearts of your children and hold them up in prayer, the Lord will do the work in the hearts of your children to make sure that those principles become part of their own personal set of values. This is why Proverbs says…

“Train up a child the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” Proverbs 22:6

As our children grow we want to transition them from relying on mom and dad to lead and guide them to them taking ownership of the values they were raised in and using those values to govern their behavior. Mom and dad will not always be around to say “do this” or “do that.” So, when we see these little glimpses into the hearts of our children and we get a clear picture of what is really taking place, it is such a confidence booster when, by the grace of God, we are “getting this parenting thing right.”

Lord, I thank you for the confidence boosting glimpses you give us every once in awhile. Thank you that you are working in the hearts and lives of our children. We know that it is an investment for eternity. Help us to stay steadfast and focused on sewing Biblical principles into their hearts each and every day. As we are faithful to sew, please take those seeds and grow them in their hearts. Help those principles to become apart of who they are, so that they take ownership for those values. We desire for our children to be governed by your value system and not every whim that comes along. We do not want them to be a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. We desire for our children to be steadfast upon you Lord. Give us wisdom in raising up these little ones to be godly men and women who will not waver!

The Excuses

One of the first parenting classes my husband and I went through together we were inundated with so many invaluable things, but one particular lesson that seemed to really stick with us was the importance of not excusing away poor behavior. This is something many of us parents are guilty of, including myself. Let me give you some examples of what I am talking about here. If our child is having a melt down in the checkout line at the grocery store and the only thing we do is make a comment to the person standing behind us that goes something like this… “I’m so sorry. He is not usually like this. We are late for his nap. He is so tired and that’s why he is acting like this.”  Let me put this into perspective for what has just been done in the eyes of this child. In his little mind he is thinking “Mom just gave me permission to act like this anytime I am late getting down for my nap. I am allowed to act like this when I am tired. I can also act up when we are out in public because she isn’t doing anything to make me stop, so it must be fine by her. So, I will act like this the next time we are in the grocery store and see what happens.”

We can not be so naive to think that our children do not pick up on the excuses we make for their unacceptable behavior. Our excuses for our child’s poor behavior does not make their behavior right. So, why do we justify away their poor behavior? I think most of these excuses happen in the public eye. So because of this, we are embarrassed and don’t know how to handle the situation. However, the excuses in parenting are not limited to the times we are in public. Let me give you an example of what it might look like in our own homes. It is just before dad will be getting home from work. We are tired, our feet hurt and we have a headache. The kids start bickering and instead of dealing with it right away, we let them to continue bickering because we are too tired to deal with them any more. How many of us have played the “I’m too tired” excuse card? I know I have a time or two! No matter how many excuses we make, if we don’t deal with the poor behavior we will only see it get worse. Excuses are one of the many tools that the devils uses to gain access to the hearts of our children. When we excuse poor behavior away rather than deal with it on the spot we are giving our children permission to act that way again. So, when the next episode comes around, it it is only going to be harder to get them to stop. We are always better off dealing with a poor behavior choice the first time we see it rather than allow that behavior to continue by making an excuse for it.

“Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline [correction administered with godly wisdom and loving kindness] will remove it far from him.” Proverbs 22:15 (Amplified)

The Bible tells us that our children have foolishness in their heart. It is our responsibility as parents to get it out, not excuse it away and hope that it doesn’t come back. The reality is this, it will never go away with our excuses. It will always come back and most of the time it will come back with vengeance. This verse talks about using the rod of discipline or correction to remove the foolishness. One thing I like about the Amplified version is that it reinforces to us the proper way to use the rod of correction, “administered with godly wisdom and loving kindness.” What a great reminder to us as parents! (I have written in  an earlier post touching on this very topic,called  “A Mother’s Commission.” Please feel free to revisit that post if you would like.) I by no means think that every poor behavior needs to be corrected with the rod. But, whatever form of correction we choose to use, making excuses for it and letting it go should not be our plan of action.

Why bring discipline?

“because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.” Hebrews 12:6

The Lord disciplines and corrects because He loves us. We need to look at correction as an act of love, not a form of disdain for our children. When we make excuses for our child’s poor behavior, we are basically telling them we don’t love them. If we loved them we would bring correction to them in those moments, even if it means sucking it up in the face of an embarrassing situation, like when we are in the line at the grocery store. Here in lies the problem, when the rubber meets the road many of us are not willing to lay aside our pride and bring loving correction. Instead we would rather make the excuses then forgo the potentially embarrassing situation that correction might bring in that moment. I have to admit I have looked many of those embarrassing situations in the eye and caved to the temporarily easy road of excuse making. Notice, however, I said temporarily. The excuses will never bring about a change to the heart to our children. So while it will alleviate the pressure from us for the moment, it will never get to the root cause of the poor behavior of which is bound up in the hearts of our children. Discipline is designed by God to bring out the the foolishness from their hearts so that when they are faced with that same situation again, they will remember right from wrong in those instances.  

To read more about the Lord bringing discipline to those He loves see a post entitled: “A God of Consequence”.

A word of encouragement

My encouragement  comes as a reminder today. (I am loudly preaching to myself here too.) It is so very important that we remember not to make excuses in the moments of conflict with our children. I don’t know about you, but it hit me pretty hard when I realized that making excuses for my children's poor behavior is like me telling them I do not love them. Love comes in the form of bringing our children’s heart to a place of wanting to choose righteousness for themselves. This will never come by us excusing away their poor behavior choices. My prayer is that when we want to make an excuse for why we can’t bring about correction that we choose a Godly form of discipline instead.

Lord, how easy it is to make excuses for why we can’t deal with the poor behavior of our children right now! Help us in those moments when we would much rather pretend like the situation did not just happen, that we choose Godly discipline over the temporary ease of our pride. Lord, your discipline is loving and always comes to bring about a change of heart not just a change of behavior. Help us to bring a change to the hearts of our children in these moments of conflict. We know that just as every child is different, so is the way in which we should handle discipline in each situation. Give us much wisdom in this area.

Parenting The Heart

Some parents instantly acquire a connection with their children at birth that grows as their children grow. For me, it wasn’t so much of a connection as it was an instant need to get them to behave the way I wanted. From the minute they were born I felt the need to manipulate behavior. However, this approach to parenting would quickly prove itself to be problematic if this was the only method of parenting my children ever saw. There is a need in parenting to switch from parenting behavior, to parenting the heart. In order to parent the heart of a child, it needs to come from a place of love and relationship, from a place of vulnerability, something that I am not good at, but by God's grace I pray that this is an area I will grow and prosper in.

Small rant 
Yes, I am openly admitting this fact to you. Why? Because like every other parent, I have not arrived. I do not know it all. In fact, there is a whole lot more that I don’t know then I actually know. So, this is why I share this part of me with you all today. I get the feeling that when we read blogs, we somehow think that the person writing has figured it all out and that is why they are writing. The truth is, we all miss it. We all have things we need to get better at, change, fix, and tweak in our parenting as well as in our lives. There is no one who has arrived on the other side of this screen. Sorry, for the short little tangent there. I just wanted you all to remember that I am just an ordinary person writing about the things God has been teaching me. My hope is that you will glean from the things I share and the Lord will teach you some things in the process.

A need for change

I have a tendency to  find myself feeling inconvenienced and frustrated at times with my children. Sadly, my children are to the age that they can see my frustration and they will often apologize for it, when it is not them at all, it is me. I am the one with the skewed perception of how I think this parenting thing needs to work. I am finding the need to start enjoying my children more and to parent from my heart to their hearts. There is a need for me to become a little more vulnerable in my parenting and not so rigid. I can not always be right and my children wrong. Truly, I am not perfect, so what makes me think they must always do as I say no questions asked? I miss it sometimes and it is important for my kids to know what I do and how I handle myself when I mess up. It is important that I teach their hearts and not just their outward behaviors. It has been hard to make a 180 degree shift in my thinking. How about you? Do you find yourself parenting solely the behavior of your children rather than the heart? Controlling behavior is one thing when they are young.  But if we expect our children to be responsible, independent adults, than it is our responsibility as parents to show them how to work through their own problems, how to be critical thinkers and problem solvers, rather than merely correcting wrong behavior all of the time. Our children need to know why something is wrong, how to make it right, and what they can do to guard their hearts from wanting to do that same thing again. Along with this, our children need to know that we have their backs, that we love them even in the moments that they mess up. Why? Because this is how God operates. God has our backs. He loves us even when we mess up, miss the mark and disappoint. He loves us! We need to make sure we are training our children to be secure in making good choices. There will come a day when we as parents will not be around to be able to tell them what to do and how to do it. So, have we prepared their hearts to stand on their own two feet and choose righteousness? One thing I have recently been asking my older two children is “well, what do you think you should do?” I want them to openly communicate their thoughts so that they learn how to work through their problems instead of being told how to do things all of the time. I want them to be able to critically think about the situation that they face and be able to come up with a solution for themselves. I am not raising robots here. I am raising up soldiers in the army of the Lord! They need to learn to recognize the battle that lies before them and know how to fight the good fight of faith.

Our world is not getting any easier for anyone to navigate. If we send our under prepared children out into the world to fend for themselves, we are sure to see them struggle unnecessarily.  Even the most prepared individuals have struggles in life, but the difference is that they have the tools to work through the the tough times without falling apart. Those who are under prepared lack the problem solving skills to work through the times of adversity. So when these times come, it will leave them overcome rather than walking in the victory of being an overcomer.

Parenting like the Lord

One of my new parenting goals is to convert my parenting style from parenting more out of authority to parenting more out of relationship. As my children enter into the transition years I want them to know that mom is not just a disciplinarian, but a trusting friend they can turn to and talk things out with. I am not looking to be my children's best friends, but I do however, want my children to be comfortable enough with our relationship that they are not afraid to come to me with anything that they are struggling with, no matter what. When I really stop and think about it, this is how our heavenly Father desires our relationship to be with Him. He desires for us to go to Him with the things we are struggling with. He doesn’t want us to be so afraid that He is going to discipline us with a heavy hand that we are too scared to come to Him with our hurting hearts. On the contrary, our Lord longs for us to open up our hearts to Him. He longs for us to share our deepest hurts and let Him into our most vulnerable places. However, the Lord is not going to force His way into the overprotected areas of our hearts. He will patiently wait on us to lay ourselves at His feet and share those things with Him.

As I enter into this new phase of parenting I need to be sure to take some lessons from the way the Lord handles my heart. Just as the Lord is patient and not forceful, I must be sure not to force my children to share their hearts with me. I must wait patiently and pray for those opportunities to present themselves. I want my children to come to me because they are willing and ready, not because they have no other choice. The other hitch to this is being ready for those times whenever they may come. I have a sneaky suspicion that they will probably happen in moments when it is least expected. The true test will come in those moments. Will I brush off those moments, or will I allow my heart to be open and ready to listen to what my children have to share? Will I respond rightly, or will I be ready to jump back into my previous role of authoritarian and be ready with the rod of correction? I am sure that as our family embarks on this transition that there will be a whole lot of seeking the Lord going on in this house! I am quite sure that we will be in dire need for His guidance for the situations that will present themselves in the coming years.

How about you? Do you find yourself in a time of transitioning your parenting style?    

Lord, I thank you that you show us a beautiful example of parenting from the heart in our relationship with you each and every day. Help us as we to parent our children from the heart just as you parent us from your heart. Help us to be ready in those moments when our children open up their most private places of their hearts. Help us to handle their hearts with the utmost of care! Give us a heart of compassion for their precious hearts and ears to hear what they are saying. Help us to shut off our judgmental thinking and open up our ears so we can speak what you want us to speak into their hearts in those vulnerable moments. Give us your wisdom Lord!

For more on parenting visit: The Mirror Concept, Lessons From Our Children, Parent Communication, Parenting Goals, Consistency In Parenting, The Growing Pains Of Motherhood, A Mother's Commission and Precious Moments

Precious Moments

God will often use our children to teach us some pretty amazing spiritual lessons. I have written a previous post entitled “Lessons From Our Children.” If you have not read that post feel free to go back and read it or revisit it again for a refresher on this very topic. The sad thing is that we do not typically look at our children to be our teachers in the spiritual classroom. I am quite certain I have missed numerous lessons that God intended to teach me through my children all because I was not paying close enough attention. However, I wanted to share with you a recent lesson that I learned in a moment I was paying attention.

This was one of the most precious moments I have ever had with my children. The funny thing was that it came about because I allowed my emotions to get the better of me. I had to seek out forgiveness from my children for snapping at them, for being cranky with them and just plain having a stinky attitude. Can I just tell you how hard it is to humble yourself in front of your children! But I want to just share with you one reason why the Lord desires us to have a child like faith. Here it is... they are simply quick to forgive. When I sought out forgiveness from my children, all three of them, without hesitation, came running to me with arms wide open and embraced me. As if that were not enough to melt a mommy's heart, this will for sure top the cake, each one said "I forgive you mommy." There were no strings attached, no ulterior motives, no I told you so, no you'll pay for this, just a simple "I forgive you mommy." The words penetrated my heart so deeply and they continue to echo in my mind as one of the most humbling and enlightening experiences I have had the opportunity to be a part of.

This is how Christ responds when we go to him. Without hesitation He forgives us, with no questions asked, no strings attached, no I told you so, and no you'll pay for this. My children responded to me with the heart of Christ when I sought out forgiveness, a response I was not expecting. These precious moments are I things I won't quickly forget as a mom!

Lord, I am so thankful that you use our children to teach us things about your character and your nature. I pray that as you continue to use our children as teachers in our lives that we yield to their God given wisdom and glean from them what it is you have for us to learn. Help us to remember that you can use them to speak into our live just as easily as you can use anyone else. Thank you that you have provided a means for us as moms to learn more about you from our children each and every day. Help us not to miss those precious opportunities because we are to busy to see them when they are right in front of us. Thank you for the gift of our children. You know just what we need and when we need it. Continue to work on our hearts each and every day.

A Mother's Commission

The responsibilities of motherhood are vast, and even more so of Christian mothers. In this post we will discuss just some of the many responsibilities Christian mothers face in raising up the little ones they have been entrusted with.  

Putting God First

The very first and most important responsibility as a mom is that we are to love the Lord with all that we are. This will set the precedence for who our children will become. When we put God first it brings about a whole host of benefits in our relationships with those around us, especially our relationships with our husband and children.

“Jesus replied: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” Matthew 22:37

Putting Our Husband Second

The next in importance is the relationship we have with our husband. If that relationship is ascue, then it can really be counterproductive for our children’s spiritual growth. I truly believe that God has established an order within the kingdom and it is within this order that things will operate the most effective and efficient. This order directly translates to the home. As women it is our job to make sure our relationships stay in the proper priority, God first, our husband second, then our children, and then all others. When we put our children over our husband or even worse, our children over both our husband and God then we can expect nothing less than chaos to develop in our home. When we keep the proper order, then it brings stability to our home and security to our children. I want to discuss what that relationship with our husband should look like for just a moment.  

Love Our Husbands

“...urge the younger women to love their husbands…” Titus 2:4

We are commissioned to love our husbands! God has given us such a precious gift of our husband and it is so important that we remember just how precious he is. Yes, there are going to be difficult times. They come to every marriage, but it is important that we keep the perspective that he is a gift from God and that we married him because we loved him. Love is not a feeling, it is an action and there is no better way to put love into action then in the marriage relationship. We can never go wrong investing in the lives of our spouse. Because the kingdom of God is about loving others, we are actually investing in the kingdom when we pour out love on our husband. Hence, one of the many reasons people will say our ministry begins at home.

Submit To Our Husbands

Paul Writes:

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” Ephesians 5:21-24

I want to bring some clarity to these verses because some people like to take these verses and use them to prove that there is a power struggle going on with the man over the wife. This is not the case. When these verses are exercised properly there is no power struggle going on at all. In fact, submission is a very beautiful concept and one that we as Americans sometimes struggle with because we like our “rights.” If we take a look at verse 21, it says “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” In other words, this is a choice. We made a choice to follow the lead of Christ, just as we choose to follow the lead of someone else. If it is not our choice it is not submission, it is dictatorship. Unfortunately, submission gets a bad rap, because it gets confused with forcefully making someone do something. The true definition of submission is when we make a loving, decision to follow the lead of someone else, not because anyone is making us, but because out of love and respect we trust them to make good decisions. After all, for many of us, this is why we married our husband in the first place, we loved him, respected him, and trusted him. This is the very premise of submission! Does this mean that we as women get no say on matters in the marriage? Absolutely not! True submission does not just rely on the person choosing to follow, it also relies on the one leading to love and respect the hearts of those they are leading. Submission really is a two way street.

Let me just reiterated here. After God our next important relationship is the one with our husband, and the Bible is clear that we are to love and submit to him. We are to lovingly, respectfully, and to trustingly follow his lead. This is the Biblical order of our relationships, and this is the Biblical definition of submission.

Love Our Children

The next important relationship is with our children. This encompasses several different areas that I want to discuss. The first is that we are commissioned to love our them. This fits in right along with loving our husbands. The only difference is that the husband relationship takes priority over the relationship we have with our children. We will actually be using the same verse to show this point.

“...urge the younger women to love their husbands and children.” Titus 2:4

Train Our Children

We have also been commissioned to be our children’s teacher and trainer. God has placed these precious little hearts in our lives for us to mold and train up in the ways of the Lord. They were placed in our care for a reason. Each one of us is completely capable of accomplishing this task. This may seem so very daunting at times, but God has given us many tools to help us in this process of teaching and training our children. He has given us His word. We have an open line of communication with Him through prayer, anytime and anywhere. God has also placed people in our lives to give us support and guidance in this process. He has given us our husbands, our family, our friends, and our church family. God does not expect us to go this route alone.

“Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.” Proverbs 22:6

“Fathers, (and mothers) do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4

“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates.” Deuteronomy 6:4-9

Training happens in the menial tasks of everyday living. The things of God really should be such a part of our everyday life that they become normal to our children. They should be part of our natural conversations no matter where we are. They should woven into our family’s identity in such a way that when people look at our family they can’t help but think of anything other than the things of God even if they are not believers. Biblical things should be the norm for our children. The things of this world should be what is strange to them, but far too often we get that backwards. Instead of talking about the things of God around the dinner table someone ends up sharing the latest gossip about the neighbor down the street. This should not be so! We have such a beautiful responsibility here. Let’s not compromise it by letting the things of this world slip in and destroy all we have worked so hard to build. Let’s work hard at teaching and training our children in the things of God!  

Discipline our children

Another area with our children that falls under the umbrella of teaching and training is discipline. This is an area that people get very touchy about because the Biblical view on discipline to the world seems so harsh and cruel. However, if you take a look at it, the world’s view of "letting a child be a child" is more harsh than actually carrying out Biblical discipline. When we allow children to govern their own wills, we are actually allowing them to go down a path of self destruction. I don’t know a loving parent alive that would willingly stand by and watch their child destroy their own life right before their eyes. Loving parents step in and teach their children right from wrong. Loving parents teach their children how to be full of love, how to be full of joy, how to be peaceful, how to be patient, how to be kind and good, to be gentle and how to be self controlled. These things are all taught. We do not somehow just stumble upon these things by chance. They were taught to us, and so it is necessary for us to teach them to our children. And yes there are times when Biblical discipline comes into play. Please note that what scripture states about discipline must be carried out by a parent who also exhibits love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self control. Otherwise, you can throw Biblical discipline out the window and yes, you then can call it harsh. Because if we do not have the fruit of the spirit operating in our lives before, during and after a time of discipline then it will be exactly that, harsh and cruel. Biblical discipline comes from a place of love not anger.  

“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:11

“Discipline your children, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to their death.” Proverbs 19:18

“Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.” Proverbs 13:24

“A rod and a reprimand impart wisdom, but a child left undisciplined disgraces its mother. Discipline your children, and they will give you peace;  they will bring you the delights you desire.” Proverbs 29:15,17

The benefits of discipline far out way the things we will reap when we leave our children to govern their own wills. When we disciple our children with the fruit of the spirit flowing through us we will see those benefits become our inheritance! When we allow children to govern their own wills, it is only a matter of time until we reap havoc. It is like a ticking time bomb waiting to go off, and make no mistake, it will explode with extensive proportions! I know that none of us as parents want to live in a place of havoc. So, let’s be sure to use Biblical discipline in the manner of which it was intended, to be done in a spirit of love.

We hold so many different responsibilities as a mother and there is no possible way we could touch on all of them today. But if there is anything I want this post to bring out it’s this, that we are to make sure we have our relationships in the proper order. God must be first, then our husband, then our children, and then all other relationships. If this gets out of order we will end up reaping a whole lot of hurt. God runs an orderly kingdom. We should in turn order our relationships to line up with his kingdom order. We will reap so many beautiful benefits when things are in their proper order.

Lord, I thank you that you are a God of order. I thank you that you have entrusted us as mothers with such precious responsibilities. Help us to keep a proper perspective on things. Help us to keep our relationships in proper order. Help us to operated with the fruit of the spirit flowing in our lives each and every day so that the things you have commissioned us to do will be carried out correctly. Help us to live each and every day for you.